Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Down the Line

I can't make up my mind about this Radio 4 programme Down the Line. Sometimes it's interesting, rarely funny and other times I think it borders on offensive. Have a listen and see what you think - today's programme was about religion and a newly 'discovered' colour.

Advent


Ben and I are taking more notice of advent this year. We're getting into the habit of burning the candle for the day and pondering on the verse in our advent calender then using the rest of the time to pray together. I like having this time of quiet and focus every evening. It's having a good side effect on our relationship too, because often we make time for quality time together but neglect having some spiritual time together.

Wikipedia has an article on advent which I found interesting, especially the dual aspects of looking to the future which I never realised before - one for the Hebrews looking forward to the coming of the Messiah, and one for Christians looking forward to the second coming. It's an exciting time of preparation for celebrating the nativity* of Jesus and also personal preparation for when he comes again.

* I also learnt that nativity means the general time and place of a person's birth and early years, and is not solely applicable to Jesus!

Monday, November 20, 2006

Joanna Trollope


I am increasingly enjoying Joanna Trollope's novels. Her writing at first seemed a little melancholy in tone, but that gripe is fading as I realise more and more what an excellent writer she is.

I've recently finished Other People's Children, which is about the breakup of a marriage from an affair, and the resulting families. A myriad of relationships is described, from the newly married Josie and Matt face the challenge of building a new home with the children from their previous marriages. Nadine, left to be a single mum and her difficulties in setting up home for herself and her three children, whom she jealously shares with their father Matt. The lovely Elizabeth and her attempt to become Tom's wife, with the enormous shoes of his first dead wife to fill as well as the difficult Dale, totally devoted to the memory of her mother.

The children's stories are also told with great detail and empathy. I particularly found Becy's struggles close to home, as she found her single mum difficult to deal with, and wanting to see her dad but being made to feel guilty for doing so.

Trollope has a very real and wise insight into family life. She writes with clarity but never makes any judgements on the characters. I highly recommend her books to anyone who likes to be engrossed in something thoughtful and compulsive.

I've also read The Rector's Wife and Brother and Sister.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Rock, paper, scissors

Saw this linked from Paul's blog. This is a favourite dispute decider for Ben and I, it mainly helps us decide who has to answer the phone!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Week off

And what a productive week it's been! As the holiday year runs from birthday to birthday I had 7 days spare which I took last week. I go back to work tomorrow :(

The house has had a thorough clear out and clean - it's amazing how much junk we've collected in just a year. I've been to the library a couple of times and enjoyed an afternoon reading a book in Neros (great hot chocolate, I think I've definately switched allegiance from Costa). Met Lauren for lunch in Costa (where they had no marshmallows for the second time!). Sorted the family photo collection. Entertained Dad and step-mum when they visited for the first time on Sunday. Accompnied Ben to two interviews. Made leek and potato soup for the first and second time (first time yummy, second not so good).

And after a week long search including about three supermarkets, found out what mascarpone is and where I would find it! I found a great receipe for a banana and toffee cake but want to wait til I've found all the ingredients. That'll be next weekend's project!

Friday, November 10, 2006

Spiggin' Not Funny!

(Lol! Ben's titles came up as options when I was typing mine in and the above seemed the most appropriate from the list!)

If I write this in my diary it'll turn into an even angrier rant, and I'd really like you friends and fellow bloggers who read to pray about this. Feel free to give any comments too even if they're on my mum's side, I'd be interested at the very least!

I called my mum on Wednesday to ask her who some people were in a photo and, she asked questions (how is Ben doing without a job, how are you feeling about it...) which paved the way to give her opinion on something that she seems to have been brooding on.

She said that I talk about nothing but the wedding. I think this is unfair, especially with Mum as I'm so loath to bring up anything that could possibly give her license to lecture me on her differing opinions. (If you want some background on her beliefs read this). Even if I did talk about it a lot it's because it needs a lot of planning, it's taking up a lot of my thoughts, I need my parents' input on a myriad of things that I haven't dared ask them yet and it's the most exciting life changing event of my life. I feel a bit gutted that I'm not allowed to go on about it! (Sorry if I've bored anyone else).

She also has a massive unfounded objection to Ben. Her main gripe at the moment is his lack of job. She said our wedding should be postponed until he's proven to me that he can provide for me. In my mind there is a huge part of a couple's relationship that isn't seen by the outside world, and people are so intricate and complicated that no one is ever going to truly know the state of a relationship. Because of what I know of Ben I'm confident that one of his biggest desires is to fulfil what he sees as his role as a man, of which being the main breadwinner is a part.

I also think there are times in everyone's lives when they struggle for money or have other problems that can put stress on their lives. But this situation isn't going to last forever and it shouldn't be any reason for me to lose Ben's trust by saying I'm only going to stay with him as long as he can earn money. I don't see our wedding to be anything other than a ceremony and party to confirm and celebrate our exisiting union. We're essentially married if only in a common law sense and I couldn't conceive of being married and leaving my husband until he could get himself into a better position. It's absurd.

I hung up on her once she started insulting Ben, which may or may not have been the right thing to do. I don't want my relationship with Ben to be tainted by the opinions of someone who hasn't taken the time to get to know him without having previous unfounded predjudices. It makes me unsure of him though no fault of his own.

This conversation is still annoying me two days later. I always knew Mum would have objections to our wedding as she does to everything else I do and am. I feel so utterly let down by her constant criticisms, and especially of her preachings of love but he lack of action. I love her because she's my mum but I really find it difficult to have any level of respect for someone who can't conceive that she might be not be right all the time.

Mum has already and I anticipate is going to be the biggest challenge to deal with for our wedding. If she was absent from the guest list I'd be supremely confident of the day running smoothly because of the amount of people she's had clashes with at some point. (It's going to be challenging enough having her and my brother in the same room for the day!) I have a horrible feeling that it isn't going to end on the day.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

I feel so honoured...

The sky is streaked with red and dotted with bright flashes of fireworks for my birthday :)

Well not really for my birthday, but I'm glad Britian likes to celebrate! Thank you for all the happy birthday wishes and presents. Here are some of my cool cards:

22 ladybirds from Dave...


A brilliant as always handmade card from Helen (the picture wouldn't come out not blurred, it doesn't do it justice!)...


And a card with sweet nothings from Ben, only presented after a joke card (which was admittedly funnier than last year's!)... which won't publish properly, but it was pretty.

Now to start thinking about Christmas...

Proper thoughts on Ambient Wonder

I didnt really blog on it properly so here is a bit more comment. For some background, Heather posted a summary of the evening in her post here.

I think I've got to the stage where I'm growing out of Fridays and I enjoy something a bit more challenging, so it's definately a compliment to say Ambient Wonder is like Fridays for grown ups. It's soemhing I'm looking to moving on to, a new challenge and atmosphere to grow to love. The thing I like about Fridays is it's openess to incorporating things other than talks and songs into worship, and the kind of Fridays where there were different activities and ways to express myself was something I found a lot of freedom in.

Ambient Wonder last week was the same - there was space to be silent before God, time to be with others and to read their thoughts an other people's poems etc, admire everyone's art, (and laugh at our own silly lantern hastily made in a few minute near the end!)

One of the things that used to frustrate me about my last regular church (and lots inbetween) is the way the congregation is often shephered through a service with hardly a minute to reflect on why we're there, what we're doing and what it means. I love services with space to do this, to realise where I am before God and how to relate to him during the service and to find his presence there, something which I don't think can be done very easily in the hymn/sermon sandwich type service. I think this is one of the reasons I like St Augustine's so much. Every service we've been to has started with a time of silence and it's a great opportunity to ground myself and to prepare for meeting with God.

On the actual content of Ambient Wonder, I felt a bit out of tune with the thoughts being shared. After Heather had talked about the change of the seasons being an anxious time for our ancestors as they hurried to be ready for the cold weather, there was a time of darkness. I didn't feel any anxiousness in the dark at all - I thought about how I felt at ease. There was no one to look at me, the lack of light was gentle on my tired eyes and the peace was amazing!
Maybe that's the effect of living in the city for the past year - there are always street lights shining on our house, no room is ever in complete darkness, there's constant noise from the business next door and the traffic on the roads. I feel like I'm living in a 24/7 society sometimes, so the dark and quiet was comparatively soothing.

The light afterwards was interupting, bright, unwelcome and I missed the dark! Ben and I briefly wondered if we were being a bit pagan, because traditionally light is everyhing good and Godly, and dark is something the wicked love. Only briefly though! I think we were feeling light and dark as physical effects on our bodies rather than in any spiritual way.

In the future, as I get to know more people at St Augustine's, I hope Ambient Wonder can be a time to commune with others and to share experiences during the services.

Well done to Heather and Paul and the team behind the evening. I'm really looking forward to future events :)

Marriage blog updated

http://www.nearlymarried.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Ambient Wonder

Ben and I went to our first Ambient Wonder service at St Augustine's last Sunday. It was like Fridays for grown ups.

Work is boring and unchallenging. I'd like to find a new job where I can dress up smartly and be appreciated. Saying that, we're having a charity dress up day for Children in Need in a couple of weeks and we've chosen to do fairy tale creatures and decorate our team area as a castle. Each team will be judged and a winner announced. We did the 1960s/70s last year and lost so we want to win this year! It will be fun to dress up as a princess... or fairy... or a princess with fairy wings...

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Third up...

Is our paintings, which in a rare flash of inspiration we spent a Saturday fashioning:


We had planned to write something inspiring and Biblical on them in silver but we haven't found anything nice enough so far. Any suggestions?

Second up - the TV

We've had TV for about a month now and I cant decide if I love it or hate it.

Pros
* Jane Eyre - I LOVE period dramas and this one on BBC 1 is no exception. The last episode is tonight. It's even inspired me to read the book again (haven't touched it since year 12).
* Stephen Fry's Secret Life of the Manic Depressive - this was a brilliant two part series which had some closer to home implications and was very worth watching, even if the critics did say it was a self-centred programme.
* Catching up on all those Friends episodes I've missed!
* Freeview is much better than just regular TV and makes it much more value for money
* It's kinda nice to come home from work and just have something to flop in front of which doesn't require any input or effort

Cons
* It's such a lazy form of entertainment! I don't think I would have paid for anything other than Jane Eyre and Stephen Fry's thing if I could choose what to see.
* It's far too easy to flop ater work and not really move.
* I miss quiet evenings with music playing while we read books or play chess and boring suff like that, which have bigger fulfilment factors.

In short I think I detest television and miss making quality time of our evenings, but the odd quality programme is too good to miss. The bad element is me and my laziness and I will therefore make an effort to only switch it on when there's something I want to see.

I know it's ages...

I think I still have writer's blog (haha), but I have a few blog ideas now!

First up is THE RING! (I never knew how difficult i is to take a picure of a ring)


Thursday, September 14, 2006

New design n stuff

My lovely new blog is courtesy of Zoot's Designs, 'because everyone deserves a pretty blog'. Her designs are great (very girly though!) and really easy to download and get working. Have a look!

I wanted to post a comment on Dave's blog but I can't because of beta blogger maybe - I wanted to say I'm proud of my husband to be and thank you Dave for writing that. Pray for Dave because he's a dude.

Also please pray for Ben and job situation, he has an interview tomorrow. Thank you!

In other news, we got a TV license and freeview box today. I'm not sure if I like it or not!

Friday, September 08, 2006

Beach adventure

On Tuesday we got the train to Sheringham. We didn't stay long there as we were attacked by flying ants! We walked along the beach all the way to Cromer, at a nice meandering pace that took about 3 hours.

Sheringham:






Cromer:


Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Ad for wedding blog :)

We have a joint wedding blog: Nearly Married

Adventure

Today we're going on an adventure to Sheringham on the train. We hope to take lots of photos and enjoy a day exploring the town and the coast line. Will post any good photos later!

Human Nature

Ben was teaching me about various theories like Communism a few nights ago (I'm really bad at understading things like that).

We got to talking about an Eden type world, where everything is nice and as God wants it. I'd always assumed that when discussing world views and how things should be, Christians would always start from an Eden type view and then project that onto the real world as how things should be.

It was a bit of a revelationt o me that this doesn't work, and now I think about it it seems so obvious why. Ben was saying how Communism is a brilliant theory on papaer, but (as Timothy Reeves commented somewhere recently), Marx didn't take human nature into account.

So it seems the perfect theory to project onto the world is one that takes human nature into account, which must be tricky because surely that's a very unpredictable element?

That's the beginning of my interest in politics and stuff.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Wrinkles!

Would you want to live forever?

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Writer's block

Hence no blogging for ages! I think I'll try to get into the habit again though.

In good news
* Got a payrise at work this month and now have an acceptable salary. Yay!
* The church is booked for the wedding. The brilliant Nicholas Vesey will be presiding
* We're still attending St Augustine's and still enjoying it (!!!!!!)
* I have a week off work next week to recharge which will be loverly
* Grandpa is 91 today and says he's going to try to hang on to see the wedding, so that's good

In not so good news
*Ben is looking for a job
* I can't solve this puzzle, help me!

I keep meaning to blog on some stuff I've been reading about marriage but it keeps coming out as a rant. I will keep trying, and meanwhile here's what I've been reading

Monday, August 07, 2006

The reception is booked!

Today I booked the reception venue for our wedding - 1 September 2007 is the date and this is the place. it's the hotel I was a waitress at during my gap year and they do pretty weddings - I used to help set them up so it will be a novelty to be a guest!

As far as the other plans are going, we've yet to book a church, have made another rough guest list after losing the original one, and have considered timetable for the day, entertainment and top table nightmares amongst other things. Only 101 things left to do! It's all fun but Ben is absolutely right.

Desperate Housewives

Desperate Housewives Season 1 DVD box set entered our house with new lodger/my bestfriend/bridesmaid to be and we've been hooked since the first episode! I forgot how addictive television can be. After living in a television free zone for nine months it's kinda nice to catch up on what my office have been talking about for months, and I was very impressed with the quality of the programme.

Can't wait til next month's pay day so we can maybe get Series 2!

Jodi Picoult

I can't decide if I like her or not! See here for a list of books.

So far I've read The Pact, My Sister's Keeper, Salem Falls and Plain Truth. Each of them has been a gripping read, but they all have exactly the same elements - an out of the ordinary questionable crime commited, a client who has a big impact on the lawyer, a love interest for the lawyer, an overbearing parent, each culminates in a big trial where you don't know the truth til the very last minute, and there's quite often a twist right at the end.

So better writing than Dan Brown, but not an awful lot more imagination when it comes to plots! Nevertheless, her ever growing list of titles shall stay on my to read list as backups.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Girls rule and boys drool

Ben has been in Derbyshire on a lads camping trip for a few days and I'm been girlying with my soon to be bridesmaid Loz. Manicures, face masks, chic flicks and shopping... I've yet to find the perfect summer dress!

I recognised a garden near our house today and realised I'd seen it on the Reality website last night - well done guys! No idea what was there before but it looks good.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Musings on parents and forgiveness

I had a thought this morning that I'd like to open my Bible, but then I thought that maybe wouldn't be a good thing to do. I'm at work, and at that moment I was being paid to work. It occurred to me that it wouldn't really be honouring God to read the Bible instead of being a good employee and doing the work I'm paid to do.

St Augustine's is still pretty good. Last Sunday was the end of a divine consciousness course or something and I gather half the people there had been on this mid-week course and had come to church for the end of it. They all seemed very alert spiritual people. I don't know if any were Christians or if they ever went to church, but it was cool to see that even if they didn't, they were still aware of their creator and were looking to him and hearing his whispers to them through their everyday lives. The service started with looking through newspapers and cutting out an article that inspired or touched you. That was challenging - I don't think I very often let things touch me.

The talk mentioned that St Augustine's had been meeting on that site for over 800 years, and how forgiveness was a key point in making something last that long. The main reason for relationships breaking down, whether it be marriages (apparently lasting 7 years on average!!!) or bands (5 years average), is that people eventually get to something that they find it impossible to forgive. Nicholas talked about needing to forgive the church for doing stupid and wrong things at times which is a good point. I've often been annoyed at the church for various things and have chosen to leave it completely for a while, but now going back to church I see that it might be a struggle at times but part of having a relationship with a community like that is practising love and forgiveness. I think the thing that touched me about the service was that I need to forgive.

More cool things about forgiveness along the families theme have cropped up this week - Dave's blog on his father is interesting, Ben's comment too. Especially the concept that we probably all have that we'll turn out to be like our parents and do to our children what they have done to us. Sometimes I marvel at the way Ben deals with his father and I know that his legacy to our children will be amazing because he's undone what his father has done to him by forgiving and loving him, and that will give him a huge advantage when he's a parent. There's a theme in the Bible about families being cursed for the next few generation when people ignore God - an example from today's society is that it's often parents who were abused themselves who abuse their children. Horridness can be an everlasting cycle until someone chooses to break the chain. The flip side to the Bible's take on this is huge blessing when a link in that chain is broken and someone decides to do what is right. When that happens the Bible says generations (lots of them) will be blessed as a result:

'For I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children or the sin of the father to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.' - Exodus 20

Love and forgiveness have huge impacts beyond out imaginations. I totally agree with Dave that it's really hard when parents don't acknowledge that they're spanners and when they keep making life difficult. For me it's a work in progress and I know God will win in both me and my mum, maybe my dad too.

'Do not hold us against the sins of the fathers; may your mercy come quickly to meet us, for we are in desperate need... We your people, the sheep of your pasture, will praise you forever and ever; from generation to generation we will recount your praise.' - Psalm 79

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Sorted

Forget the nice colours, the carefully designed banner and cool layout, it's back to blogger template. Hope it displays properly for everyone now!

Sunday, June 18, 2006

A delicious church experience

Today Ben and I walked to St Augustines, a church of around 25 poeple near Anglia Square. The scene that met us as we walked through the door was a bit of a surprise - it was very open, with chairs arranged around the edge of the room in a circle. The first person to greet us was the pastor (or is he a vicar, being CofE?), Nicholas Vessey, who seems a very nice chap. A few other people said hello too.

The service began with a few notices, then one of the members of the church explained why she had made a gift of a 'singing bowl' to the church - this is something she discovered at Lidesfarne, and is struck to make a ringing tone to mark the beginning or end of sacred time or silence. So Nicholas began the service by stricking the bowl for a time of 'silence with children'! It was nice to have the children acknowledged and included in that way.

A few readings and songs ensued, followed by a short sermon about giving our how we want to clothe ourselves in Christ but often our earthly bodies and the things we need to do can get in the way. This struggle, whatever we struggle with in our earthly lives, is something we can give to God and through that be closer to him. Nicholas asked afterwards if anyone had any comments or questions at the end (no one did - he did say it's difficult to get people to participate in the Church of England!)

Some liturgy was used for communion, but not in a rigid way. I'm reliably informed port was used, it was a shock to take a mouthful of alcohol rather than sickly sweet grape juice!!

I felt very whole this morning. It's nice to not have to smile and make unecessary conversation with people we hardly know and who look uncomfortable when they run out of things to say. I like feeling complete - contended to be somewhere. Definately want to go back.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Johnson's baby lotion is better than church

10 things since last blogging

1. I finished Jamaica Inn, I can't believe [that guy] was the real baddie! Maybe the ending redeemed the book, but it was still sluggish in the middle.

2. Jodi Picoult is the most gripping author I've read in ages. The Pact is great, not the best writing but I couldn't put it down and annoyed Ben by reading it non-stop one weekend.

3. Wedding planning is harder than I thought. The current favourite idea is having a ceremony on the beach and having everyone bring a picnic for the 'reception' - how cool would that be! (Ok, so not so cool for the guests expecting a fully blown party, but if they want to pay for it...). All our hymn considerations were vetoed by mother-in-law-to-be on Sunday so we might have to rethink!

4. On Sunday we had a barbeque (mother-in-laws are mainly great, she gave us a cool little barbeque and brought all the food!) Ben enjoyed being the man of the house and left all the cooking to his big brother!

5. Orange broadband (formerly Wanadoo) have a great offer on at the moment to get free broadband when you have a mobile contract with them. We intend to take full advantage of that.

6. On Saturday Ben and I purchased one pink Tesco Value flying disc for 49p (not suitable for under 3s due to severe choking hazard - I'd like to meet an under 3 who can fit a frisbee in their mouth!!). We went on an adventure with flying disc and bottle of squash to Waterloo Park, which was pleasantly deserted in places. And thus we did enjoy the sunshine, but not the ensuing sunburn.

7. Humid, muggy weather is the most disagreeable thing in the world. But yay for thunder rumbling in the distance...

8. The 'friendliest church in Norwich', as I've heard it described, is lovely, but much too suffocatingly n-i-c-e. I agree with Ben that it's a once-in-a-seven-month-experience. And therefore Johnson' baby lotion is much nicer than church and I don't want to go back to any church ever again. Other than to improve my social life I don't see the point at all.

9. Ben started his new job with gusto two weeks ago, and is working late this week. I get to be lady of the house for a couple of hours, and it's nice to be able to make dinner before he comes home. I want to be a housewife!

10. I'm currently job hunting, I'm feeling totally undervalued at work and most definately under-paid. I have a second interview for a not so exciting job next week. In a perfect world I'd finish my proofreading course and set up my own amazing home business, then I'd get to be a housewife too, but it's ticking along far too slowly. Another reason why Ben working late ocassionally is good - I have some time to do (anything other than) proofreading!

PS YESSSS!!! It's finally raining properly!

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Currently reading...

Marriage Works by J John
I'm sure it's done a lot of people a lot of good, but it offers very little advice that I couldn't have used my common sense for. As I'm finding with a lot of Christian books just now, it has some very narrow views and doesn't take all of life's circumstances into account when making judgements and spewing out statistics.

The Great Divorce by CS Lewis
This falls into the catagory of 'Non-annoying Christian books'. From what I read I didn't expect it to be in story form, but that makes it quite enjoyable. It's just a tiny bit too difficult to understand all of it but a good read anyway.

Jamaica Inn by Daphne Du Maurier
DDM seems to be one of those one hit wonders - she shouldn't have published anything but Rebecca! Jamaica Inn is a story of smugglers and wreckers in Cornwall and is exciting enough but it's told from the exceedingly monotonous view of one character. I must have read loads of books in that style but with this book it seems to wear thin after the first few chapters. However, I shall read to the end to discover how the heroine overcomes the evilness of the keeper of Jamaica Inn.

All in all, a rather disappointing book week, but I'm off to the library now to put it right :)

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Film night

Tonight's film of choice was Lord of War, rented from our trusty corner DVD shop. It came out in 2005 and stars Nicholas Cage who plays an arms dealer:

"There are over 550 million firearms in worldwide circulation. That's one firearm for every twelve people on the planet. The only question is: How do we arm the other 11?"

When Interpol finally get some evidence to convict him, he gives this insight into why he will be released:

"The reason I'll be released is the same reason you think I'll be convicted. I do rub shoulders with some of the most vile, sadistic men calling themselves leaders today. But some of these men are the enemies of your enemies. And while the biggest arms dealer in the world is your boss--the President of the United States, who ships more merchandise in a day than I do in a year--sometimes it's embarrassing to have his fingerprints on the guns. Sometimes he needs a freelancer like me to supply forces he can't be seen supplying. So. You call me evil, but unfortunately for you, I'm a necessary evil."

It's in a similar vein to Beyond Borders, (didn't hear about the release of this one either but maybe I missed it) but the moral dilemas set forth are much more subtle, and the only commentary is Nicholas Cage's character defending his position apart from the Interpol agent's odd comments.

The top five countries involved in the arms trade are also the five permanent members of the Security Council.

There was an Amnesty International advert on the DVD, which shows a shopping channel style selling of AK47s. Click the link to watch it.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Prayer

I don't normally like email forwards, but I think this one has some interesting things to say about prayer. Here it is minus the rubbish that seems to be essential for forwards ('If you love God...' guess what you have to do!)


God Said "No"

I asked God to take away my habit. God said, No. It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole. God said, No. His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary.
I asked God to grant me patience. God said, No. Patience is a by-product of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is learned.
I asked God to give me happiness. God said, No. I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.
I asked God to spare me pain. God said, No. Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.
I asked God to make my spirit grow. God said, No. You must grow on your own! But I will prune you to make you fruitful.
I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life. God said, No. I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.
I asked God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me. God said... Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.


Sometimes I get frustrated at people praying and asking for prayer for all these tiny little things to do with life. I wonder if it's often a means to give credence to our worry about stuff... but we all know Jesus told us not to worry. Or maybe it's just a way to share trials with others... but why hide behind the facade of prayer? Maybe I'm being super cynical and it's just that by praying about everything people feel closer to God. Maybe it's a way of laying our burdens down, whether we achieve that by sharing with God or others.

I don't know.

For a while I've been kind of caught up in this mindset - I don't want to pray about much because I don't see the point in going through life in minute detail. I don't understand how that glorifies God and I'm not sure if it deepens my relationship with him. I'm not convinced it doesn't turn me into a supermarket Christian, going to God with my list of things to grant, rather than seeing the big picture and being challenged to make something good from what I have and just praising Him instead. So for a while I've resorted to praying how Jesus told us to or using it as a guide, if anything at all:

Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.

To quote a blogging dude, 'I wouldn't get too hung up on trying to decide on the specific place God wants you to be. I think it is more to do with being the person he wants you to be wherever YOU choose to be.' I think the same probably applies to all of life - it's not about praying for all the little things, it's about praying that we will be able to deal with all the little things in the right way. Ben reminded me last night that we were commanded to love God and love others, and often if we do that, everything else falls into place.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Engaged!

Ben propsed last night! I'm far too excited to sleep, woke up at 7.30 this morning which for a weekend is unreal! No photo of the ring to post I'm afraid, Ben said he thought about saving a pound a day and asking me when he had enough, but he couldn't wait and I'm glad! Don't know what else to say, just unbelievably happy!!

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Work

I'm surprisingly really enjoying work at the moment. It's taken me nearly a year to feel settled in my team, but I'm starting to get to know people better which all helps in feeling happy to be there. I had a review yesterday and my manager is really pleased with me, so hopefully I will get a small pay rise soon. Yay!

I suddenly thought I'm probably one of those people who 'works at Norwich Union' but no one knows what I actually do! I work in Annuities, which is the name for a pension when a person stops paying into their fund and 'purchases' a pension which starts paying out to them in installments. I have to make sure that when we get an application we have everything we need, like birth certificates, money laundering forms, the correct application form etc, and chasing financial advisers if we don't have these things.

Because I'm in External Business, we deal with people who have a pension fund with another provider but have chosen to transfer to us, because we have better rates and can pay them more than their current provider. That's the only reason, apparently we have rates 30% higher than other companies at the moment but we don't have the customer service to match that! So that involves calling the other companies and making sure they have everything they need to send us the client's fund as soon as possible. Once we have everything we need we can set up the policy, issue policy documents and start paying the installments. We also have to inform the HMRC (Inland Revenue) of the payments we make so it can all be taxed properly. (Oh yes, after saving for all those years you still get taxed!)

A month ago, 6 April, there was a huge amount of rule changes in the way pensions are taxed and set up, dubbed 'Pension Simplification' because (in theory!) this is supposed to make taking your pension a lot easier. In reality it's been a busy and difficult time for us, because it's meant attending lots of training sessions and learning many many new rules in time for the changes.

I set up an annuity today which was bought with over £6000 but will only pay out about £30 per month, even less after tax (basic rate is a whopping 22%) - annuities are one of the biggest profit making financial product! Get saving for your future!

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Sigh

Firefox officially sucks because it won't display my newly designed blog properly. All you good people will just have to use IE or Avant, unless anyone knows the trick to make it work in both browsers. Sorry!

Sunday, April 30, 2006

My knight



Today I discovered the timer on my camera, while Ben gave my blog a makeover! I made a paint file this morning of how I wanted it to look and then I dispaired, but my handsome knight in programming armour fixed it all for me and it's nearly done now, yay!

Photos

This is one of our new sofas, great for watching films on. Ben is pleased with them!

Yesterday we went to Mum's for dinner and picked up bikes. We cycled back home along Marriott's Way, which was altogether less bumpy than I remember.

On Thursday we had the first mini banquet of the summer with Dave. Strawberries, grapes and kiwis with whipped cream for dessert was yummy!

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

My week in words

I've had a week off work just for fun, back to work on Friday. Highlights have included having Mark and Hayley over (see Mark's blog for photos), going swimming at the Marina Centre in Yarmouth and the Sportspark at the UEA (tomorrow we hope to try the Riverside pool), going to Ben's old youth group, watching Saving Private Ryan, catching up with Dave of the King variety, and aquiring two new comfy sofas!

I've also done a bit of reading this week. PS I Love You by Cecelia Ahern (daughter of Bertie Ahern) was a sweet read but not much more than that! The writing was sketchy but the plot had a few tear jerking moments which kept my attention. I'm reading The Mermaid and the Drunks by Ben Richards at the moment. Don't be put off by the reviewers on Amazon (who seem to find it difficult to decide if they want to be like Richard and Judy or not!). I'm finding it an enjoyable read and an introduction to what happened in Chilie when Pinochet was around, although it assumes a lot of prior knowledge which I don't have. It has encouraged me to learn more though and I shall no doubt have a browse on Wikipedia later.

If anyone is interested in buying a flute or a laptop (each around £250 and both in great condition) please let me know.

PS If you could pray for Ben about this and for me that would be great. Thanks!

Friday, April 14, 2006

One little speckled Ben


A sunny bank holiday walk in the woods :)

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Sacred space

I've used this from the re:Jesus site at work this week and I think it's helped to let more of God into life at work. It's worth a read. I like the idea of having sacred space - whether that's a place to go and pray or a time set aside during lunch to be with God, or just a concept that even my desk at work can be a sacred space as I commune with God throughout the day.

The daffodil picture below is from a lunchtime walk on Tuesday when I took my camera and said thank you prayers as I walked. I didn't work through the 'querty' prayer properly but it reminded me that the people I work with are loved by God too for all their crudeness and gossip, and in some small way that's helped me to open up to getting to know them better and talking to them more.

A parable from Luke 18 is quoted in Sacred Space which has encouraged me to renew my prayers for a girl who used to be a great encouragement to me as a Christian but fell away a while ago. I wonder what God means by 'quickly'...

Daffodil

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Tantalizing Twos Game

From Emily via Helen, yay

Two Names You Go By
1. La
2. Ella

Two things that scare you
1. 28 Days Later
2. Being far from God

Two of Your Everyday Essentials
1. Emails from Ben on weekdays
2. Sunshine from God at weekends

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now
1. Jeans
2. Black hooded top

Two of your favorite bands/singers at the moment
1. Can't remember the last time I listened to music!
2. Whatever comes into my head

Two Things You Want in a Relationship
1. Ben
2. God

Two Things that Appeal to You
1. Being Godly
2. Books

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies
1. Reading
2. Sunshine walks

Two Places You Want to go on Vacation
1. China/Japan for pretty and mysterious scenery
2. Italy for all things sunny and arty

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die
1. Travel lots
2. Be a wife and a mum

Two Things You Are Thinking About Now
1. Reading more of Gone With the Wind
2. Of God and Ben and happy things

Two people you haven't talked to in a while
1. Umm, too many people
2. Sorry!

Two Favorite Sports
1. Swimming
2. Badminton

Two things you did last night
1. Ran outside in the rain to photograph an amazing sunset
2. Watched Good Will Hunting

Two T.V. shows you like to watch
1. Rubbish
2. and repeats, but only when I'm in the mood to waste money on a TV license

Two things you like about yourself
1. Getting excited at silly things
2. Clouds

Two things you ate today
1. Toast and jam
2. Nothing else yet, it was a close call with the cereal but there's no milk :(

Two people you last talked to
1. Ben
2. Dad

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Beautiful day

My day in pictures, all from within 200 metres of our home. I went to the top of the hill and read a bit in the morning sunshine, and a few minutes ago, just for about a minute, the sunset was so intense that it was like a giant torch was being shone from the west and there was a huge rainbow in the east. Amazing!












Friday, March 31, 2006

Marriage

Blogger is being so stupid, I've started this post about three times and tried to save it because I know it's going to be a long post, and it's lost it! Never mind, we start again.

I promised this post ages ago and promptly forgot my musings, but a good thread on the forum reminded me so here it is.

Marriage, in my humble unmarried opinion, is an amazing thing, and so much better and more serious than society portrays it. My family are a pretty good example of what seems to happen an awful lot. My parents were legally married, shared a house, parented two children, and yet my mum beleives that they were not truly married in the sight of God. Mum believes a lot of strange things, but the more I think about it, the more I agree with her on this one.

As a result, I set a lot more store by the spiritual union that marriage means, rather than the legal aspect. I can see how they work together, but they are definately not the same, and I don't think God is much bothered by our human legalities.

I've already written this bit on the forum, but it's worth writing again because God must be what makes spiritual marriage work. It's God's intention for us to thrive in community, and experience deep communion with him and each other. Father, Son and Holy Spirit all commune with each other within God, and we're created in the image of God. That's why the fall was so awful, it destroyed community/communion on earth:

- humans were cut off from God (Gen 3:8)
- humans were cut off from each other (Gen 3:12)
- humans were isolated from themselves resulting in loneliness, lack of meaning/purpose etc
- the relationship between humans and nature was destroyed (Gen 3:15, 17-18)

Marriage involves three poeple - man, woman and God - and that when all three are communing with each other, it's an amazing reflection of God and his own community within himself, and anything that reflects God is good. When I use the word 'to commune' or 'communing' I mean the kind of relationship that happens at communion (or the Lord's table, taking bread and wine, whatever you call it) - it's when we can come to God and have a harmonious, perfect relationship and interaction with him and everything is hunkydory despite our sin. (Read some of JB Torrance or Tom Smail for more on that).

I think Catholics have got the meaning of marriage pretty much right. This is from Wikipedia:
Catholic theology teaches that a validly contracted marriage is accompanied by
divine ratification, creating an indissoluble union; therefore, no divorce
is possible.

And I guess if the marriage is truly in the sight of God and has him involved, there shouldn't be any need for divorce, even if goes a bit wrong at some points. After all, loving each other isn't about being in love, it's about perseverance, forgiveness and all the hard stuff Valentine's Day doesn't tell you about.

In summary, marriage must take a lot of thought and even bigger doses of God, wisdom and commitment. I'm nervously but excitedly looking forward to it. Comments from experienced people welcome!

Sunday, March 26, 2006

The after picture!

According to the seed packets it will look spectacular around June!

Thursday, March 23, 2006

The evil monkies

Last week I was dreaming about work and how I hadn't done enough work for me to be given permission me to sleep, so I had to wake up. Several times. And then it got to dreaming about piles and piles of faxes to be sent but not knowing where to send them, and evil monkies biting me (NB never ever watch 28 Days Later again) and Ben quite rightly said maybe it's time to take some holiday. So I did, and I've spent the last two days at home doing nothing in particular, not even any housework, and I've internetted and pondered and painted and photographed nothing in particular. And it's been nice. (Except the going back to work today bit).

For the past week or so I haven't felt anything much at all, apart from getting overly annoyed at things that frustrate me, and being scared about the stupid monkies and the dark. I feel so helpless, and worried that people might be getting annoyed at me for not responding to them properly.

Have a look at www.caradillon.com. She's coming to the Norwich Arts Centre to sing soon so we might go and see.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Stillness 2

Stillness

Painting



The whale swam past the giant orange flower of sun

City view


C Laura 2006

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Robert Frost is cool

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth,
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because is was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence,
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.

I like to read it as a metaphor for being a Christian and entering through the narrow gate and all that stuff, that each choice and each time in life can be like being a traveller seeing two roads ahead. Taking the path that is grassy and wants wear, that not many people dare to commit to. That is what makes all the difference.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Feminine

I've finally got my camera back in full working order, yay!! Even got a free set of Fuji playing cards... I'm sure we'll find a use for them some day.

Photo Friday topic for the week is feminine, so here's my offering. These things aren't feminine in themselves, but I think for them to be in my mind and on my mental to do list is!


Lots of ironing










washing up






and general messy mess.

However, I shall not complain for having a house of one's own is fanstically lovely.

This weekend we started the garden, which was much fun. We only have a tiny patch in which to do things, but hopefully it will be ablaze with colour in a few weeks/months (I'm not quite sure how long these things take).


Here's the before picture, the after will come after.









and specially for our cyclist friends, the alley has been all weeded n stuff because we love you so much :D

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Books

I'm loving having time to read again. I've finished The Emerging Church, a book I'd recommend highly, I don't think I can fault it apart from repeating some things a bit. Now I've properly started I Capture the Castle which is lovely with a capital L. Ben has declared it a girls' book, though maybe that is what makes it lovely!

Favourite bits so far:

'Noble deeds and hot baths are the best cures for depression.'

'I believe it is customary to get one's washing over first in baths and bask afterwards; personally I bask first. I have discovered that the first few minutes are the best and not to be wasted - my brain always seethes with ideas and life suddenly looks much better than it did. Father says hot water can be as stimulating as an alcoholic drink and though I never come by one - unless the medicine-bottle of port that the vicar gives me for my Midsummer rites counts - I can well believe it. So I bask first, wash second and then read as long as the hot water holds out. The last stage of a bath, when the water is cooling and there is nothing to look forward to, can be pretty disillusioning. I expect alcohol works much the same way.'

Any book which mentions Jane Austen and Pride and Prejudice can't be bad. Although maybe twice 100 pages in is rather excessive! Never mind, I'm engrossed and can't wait to get home from work tomorrow.

Walk to Trousers (otherwise known as Trowse)


Ben took the SLR and did clever shots while I messed around with the digital. Apart from when we swapped. My camera has to go away for repair again *sigh*.

Christmas at Ben's parents

Sunday, February 12, 2006

The Emerging Church by Dan Kimball


I've been crawling through this book for months and decided to start it again properly last night. It's all making much more sense now, especially when Ben's in the room and I can explain and question bits with him, makes it easier to take in.

The outline of it so far is how we're changing from a modern worldview to a postmodern worldview, and what impact that has on how we do church and how we evenagelise - how do we go about explaining the gospel to someone who believes that whatever makes you happy is good? It has a handy table summarising the ancient, medieval, modern and postmodern worldviews, with input from Brian McLaren's material in A New Kind of Christian.

The book hascomments from different authors and prominant Christians throughout. One that was particularly interesting was from Brian McLaren:

'We would be wise to really figure out what we and others mean when we use the term relativism. I find that few people really believe that all religions and viewpoints are equally valid, even though many people assert this, using these very words, and do so with vehemence. Sratch the paint and see what they really mean underneath is this: "I am desperately afraid of what happens when people become militant and arrogant about there beliefs and values, because htere is only a very fineline between militant and arrogant... and violent." Living in a world of terrorism, ethnic cleansing, and racial-ethnic-religious hatred, they feel that strong beliefs and values are dangerous. Rather than arguing about the absurdity of their statement (because saying that all religions areequally valid is, no doubt, absurd, we would be wiser to affirm their desire for peace and to encourage them to hold this belief or value in peace... strongly! We may gently be able to show them how Jesus takes this very course in the religious world of his day, and how the cross is a message to the world saying, "It is better to suffer violence for your beliefs than to inflict violence. This is the way of God's kingdom." '

All in all, it's an interesting read.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Update

Shocking lack of posts lately, sorry about that. I've been working and doing lots of overtime (extra money :) and not doing much else. Winter evenings are lovely for being cosy at home and playing games. Sequence is a current favourite, and chess too but only when I'm winning.

I've had Wednesday to Friday off this week which has been great, I've done loads of housework, visited Mum and had time to experiment in the kitchen. Toad in the hole went a bit wrong but apple crumble is hopefully going to be delicious later! I spent most of yesterday afternoon in Marzanos reading 2 Samuel, a post about that later perhaps.

Ben and I went to see Memoirs of Geisha this week. It had some breathtaking scenery in it, and it was a very beautiful yet sad story. It's next on my reading list once Ben's finished it. At the moment I've started I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith; judging by the first chapter it should be good. I've also discovered Neville Shute's books - A Town Like Alice is so antiquated and lovely, and the forum library pleasantly surprised me yesterday by boasting a chunk of books by him.

As for DVDs, latley we've watched The Island (yay Ewan McGregor!) and The Mask - I can't say I was impressed, Jim Carey only has so much comedic talent.

Other highlights of the past month or so were going to Helen's 21st party and baptism (great!), Ben having his debit card cloned and £400 stolen (not good) and going to Surrey Chapel pretty regularly (undecided). More posts soon!

Monday, January 02, 2006

Silly games




This afternoon was fun. Above Helen and Carl are playing penny in the eggcup, and Becky is playing the cereal box game (but cheating yet again! ;) Much fun!