Odd worship thoughts

Saw Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy at the cinema today. It was funny, especially a scene that parodied the church (I'm ashamed to say it but I thought that was one of the best bits!) It's strange how looking from the outside at something like church can make it seem so ritualistic and stupid. But does it change things if we're worshipping I AM rather than the Great White Handkerchief or whoever he was? Surely anything we do to worship God is going to be trivial and not enough to do Him justice?

I think I'm going to go to Surrey Chapel this Sunday, partly to test the water a bit (I haven't decided that church really isn't where I'm at) and partly to catch up with people I probably should have kept in touch with more. Pity the reason is never to worship God *guilty*. Heigh ho.

Fellow bloggers...

You're all great! You constantly challenge and inspire me. Thank you!

See new link on the sidebar to Lou's blog, and click here to see one of Carl's articles.

Unorganised thoughts on church

I thought it might be time to articulate some thoughts on church before my head explodes with all these thoughts rushing around and colliding.

I'm now about half way through 'A Churchless Faith' (see sidebar). It's interesting, and it's helping me understand where I am at the moment and where I have been. I haven't attended church regularly since I went to uni apart from a few months at Proclaimers. Having decided that Proclaimers isn't where I want to be, I'm wondering what to do next... do I go back to Surrey Chapel, find somewhere else or go nowhere? And is going nowhere such an awful thing?

The function of church is puzzling me at the moment. If we can live for God, serve others and be part of the Church (the body of Christ) without attending a church (earthly institution), what is church as we know it today for? I find I learn more by being part of the NYFC forum and reading blogs than in sermons at church. There are numerous opportunities to serve without being part of a church. I can take part in corporate worship at Fridays or F2. I don't feel there are any gaps in my life as a Christian (apart from being more disciplined about reading my Bible and praying, but that's always been a personal thing rather than something that church provides or aids). I feel I'm getting dangerously close to arguing that Fridays/F2 can be a good replacement for church! I'm not sure I am thinking that though... more that church in its available form is unsatisfactory and there doesn't seem to be any good reason for going through the stress and frustration that being part of a church brings. I don't know if that's me looking for an easy life though.

On going nowhere... I used to think it was bad not to go to church, not to be in fellowship with other Christians. But, again, if the function of church is being met elsewhere, is it really necessary to be a member of a church? This is a thought I had when applying for gap year things last year, people wanted to know that I had been active in a church and could get a pastor's affirmation, but how do you explain to people that yes, you're a Christian, yes, an active one, but no, not currently attending church? I hate being boxed.

I wouldn't mind going back to Surrey Chapel, but only for the preaching. I'm not very keen on going back though. They're writing up constitutions and formalising the leadership and stuff like that, which is good in a way but all seems too political and I don't want to be involved in anything like that. It seems to be that the bigger the gathering of Christians the more political it gets. Also, I suspect the reasons I wasn't happy there before uni would quickly crop up again.

Coffee break church would be good, meeting with friends for worship, accountability and learning, a close, personal, spiritual experience. Another thought on churches is that it can be like prescribed Bible reading notes, we maybe expect the sermon to relate to us all the time, but it doesn't necessarily. I don't know why we expect a sermon to be of use to 300 people at a time when God is a personal God.

A thought common to many of the people interviewed in 'A Churchless Faith' seems to be "It wasn't where I was at". I can relate to that. I think in order to grow changes must be made sometimes, or you can easily stagnate. A year or two ago I would have thought that if a church didn't fit with me it was doing something wrong, but the more I appreciate people's diversity the more I see how all the churches I've visited over the past 6 months, in St Andrews and Norwich, are all doing good things and are good for certain people. (Except maybe St Salvator's in St Andrews, what a totally dead church!) So maybe church is just not where I'm at right now. I don't know! I have lots more thoughts on this subject but that will do for now. Any comments/kicks in the right direction gratefully recieved :)

Pensieve

I can't be bothered to articulate my thoughts properly today. I wish a pensieve was obtainable. If I could get my hands on one, here are some things you might see swirling around in the silvery mist...

- an American Beauty kind of day... completely warped and messed up but somehow beautiful

- "I want everyone clapping before I start this bassline" - worship leader at Proclaimers

- how can heaven be exciting without having to deal with sin and all the problems that come from sin? I'm in a bubble, wrapped up in what I consider to be important and busy trying to better myself when there are people dying in the world and the love of God to tell people about. What do I think I'm doing?!

- "I'd like to go to Oak Grove, they do lots of community things... but maybe too much" - how can a church do too much work in the community?!

- what on earth is "post-Christian" supposed to mean?

- all hype and no God

- what am I really looking for in a church?

- can Jesus and community and fellowship and discipleship and evangelism and passion for God be found outside of churches?

- I need a decent night's sleep. And I wish I wasn't ruled by the moon.

- "how cold is the heart when it's warmth that it seeks..."


Tiredness not good.

Who should you vote for?

Who should I vote for?

Your expected outcome:

Labour

Your actual outcome:

	Labour 10
Conservative -10
	Liberal Democrat 15
UK Independence Party -5
	Green 10

You should vote: Liberal Democrat

The LibDems take a strong stand against tax cuts and a strong one in favour of public services: they would make long-term residential care for the elderly free across the UK, and scrap university tuition fees. They are in favour of a ban on smoking in public places, but would relax laws on cannabis. They propose to change vehicle taxation to be based on usage rather than ownership.

Take the test at Who Should You Vote For

Sting

She said, "Hey baby I don't mean to be flip
But it seems this old man is on some power trip"
I said, "No, no sugar you must be wrong
I mean look at the size of this boat we're on
We're as safe as houses, as safe as mother's milk
He's as cool as November, smooth as china silk
He's God's best friend, he's got a seat on the boat
And life may be tough but we're sailing with the Lord

- Rock Steady (about Sting and his girl being passangers on Noah's ark)

If we seek solace in the prisons of the distant past
Security in human systems we're told will always, always last
Emotions are the sail and blind faith is the mast
Without the breath of real freedom, we're getting nowhere fast

- History Will Teach us Nothing

Whatever music I listen to, I always end up coming back to and marvelling at the genius that is Sting. There's this thread running through lots of his songs about the sacredness of love. He weaves a beautiful picture of how love should be... not floating through a deep blue sky with a violin-playing goat (sorry, first thing that came to mind - Notting Hill), but a deep respect and care for the one he loves. And then there's gems like above. And add to that music which is imaginative and demanding of its players and you have a match made in heaven. Sting rules!

Mail

I'm trying out this new Google toolbar button... we shall see if it works!

The post was exciting today (or is it the mail here? Bill Bryson completely confused me on that one - in America the post arrives when the mailman delivers, but in Britain the mail arrives when the postman comes... yup I was wrong, it's mail here!) I got two DVDs, Shakepeare in Love which I'll look forward to watching later or tomorrow, and the last ever episode of Friends (what a disappointment). I also got the first two modules of my proofreading course, so now I have an excuse to correct every piece of writing I come across! This is a distance course so I can work as little or as much as I like (suits my procrastination completely, hope I don't blow it!) More discipline in my life would be good, I'd like to do things when I need to do them rather than last minute.

New plan for the near future: become a professional proofreader and do freelance work in time to be recruited to proofread the last Harry Potter book before it comes out!

Monday Morning Ickiness

I want to achieve so much this week, as in every week, and will probably fail miserably again. Why are Monday mornings ALWAYS Monday mornings, wherever you are, whatever you're doing? I think we should scrap the week altogether.

Mum told me interesting stuff last night. Apparantly we can give out energy which can effect other people when they pick up on it. Prophet guy can see the colour of the energy - black is the worst, red and grey are also bad, ranging to gold which is the best kind of energy that God wants us to produce. It makes sense in a strange other-world kinda way... but what really irritates me is the way the "prophet" can almost dictate what other people are feeling - he told Mum that I was giving out black energy when people were arriving for their "Bible" study last night. I was upstairs playing flute, one of the most beautiful pieces of music in the world (from A Midsummer Night's Dream by Mendelssohn), admittedly getting a bit frustrated because it's hard to play, but enjoying the music. And that was spewing out black energy. This guy told Mum she was giving out grey energy a few nights ago and she believed him, even though she didn't feel it.

The annoying thing is that when Mum tells me this stuff it makes me really annoyed, so therefore antagonistic towards her especially when she doesn't accept that I'm not going to believe everything she tells me. And she always catches me when I'm down or haven't read the Bible for ages or prayed properly for a while.

Dissatisfaction with everything is continuing, but the challenge seems to be to make what comes out of it good and beautiful, rather than negative and destructive.

Half-formed ponderings

Are confidence and humility mututally exclusive? I'm sure there must be people who are humble and confident, but it seems hard to cultivate an attitude like that.

Is church as we know it today the way God intended it to be? The early church in Acts seems to different from today, have we strayed too far? They had ethics that we don't seem to embrace, like sharing all our possessions and pooling resources. A closeness to God and burning integrity that isn't there now - we don't see people struck down dead by God for lying in church.

Dissatisfaction seems to be the theme of the week so far... church, relationships, integrity, attitude. Hope it doesn't continue, it's depressing!

Church

Church occassionally builds me up but more often winds me up. It was just little things tonight, things that I've gradually noticed since settling into this new church. I'm realising even more that no church is perfect, though I did hope that this one was going to be a little better than my previous church. Grr! Maybe I'll blog later when I'm not so frustrated.

Connor

Sorry for the more journal type entires recently, I can't write in two at once for some reason, always get distracted with one and everything mixes up!

This week I've been looking after Connor, aged 8, while he's on holiday from school. He's a great little boy. I've known him since he was 3 and it's cool to see him grow up. He now has a bath, gets dressed and eats with no fuss, which is a huge improvement! We're great friends, I love hearing his thoughts and what school and home with his mum and brothers is like (I look after him at his dad's). While I was making him lunch today he drew me a picture of a rabbit and wrote "To Lorer I love you sow muc love Connor xxxxx". It's nice to be appreciated :)

Frustration!

I want to be doing something for God, doing what He wants of me, giving my life up to Him so that He can use me for His will. I want my whole life to be for God, and at the moment I can't square living for God while going to uni or getting a job or starting a career. There's so much more important stuff to do. Fridays last night was about living for God in whatever you do, whether you work in a secular environment or a Christian one, whether you're a businessman or a missionary, but I can't imagine doing anything that doesn't have a God-sized vision.

I'm annoyed with God for not showing up and saying, "This is what I want you to do, Laura." But how can I be annoyed at God for that while I don't give everything I have to Him right now? (Thanks for the kick Helen.) There's a parable Jesus told about a guy who gave his servants different amounts of money to look after while he was gone, and the two given the most invested it and earned more for their master, and the one with the least buried the money to keep it safe. When the guy got back, he said to the ones that had earned more, "Well done, good and faithful servants! You have been faithful with a few things; I will now put you in charge of many things. Come and share in your master's happiness!" (Mathew 25:14-30) My thinking at the moment is that if I can't be faithful in the small things, like reading God's Word outside church, or even talking to Him more, I can't really expect God to talk to me.

Overriding thought last night was "There must be more than this" (Consuming Fire by Tim Hughes), and another line from the same song: "Lord, let your glory fall." I want so much more of God, yet at the same time I don't! I'm reading The God Chasers by Tommy Tenny at the moment, crawling through it because it's so dense and challenging, but I've finished Chapter 3 - "There's Got to be More" which talks about seeking God's face rather than just His benefits or blessings. Here's an extract:

'When the annointing comes, if you're a preacher you preach better. But when the glory falls, you can't do anything. You stumble and stutter and just want to get out of the way. When you're a singer and you're annointed, you sing better. But when the glory falls, you can barely sing. Why? Because God declared that no flesh is goinng to glory in His presence (see 1 Cor 1:29). This doesn't mean that you're a bad person or that you live in sin. It means that you are flesh and blood caught in the very presence of God...
'... [Real revival] begins with the prayer of the hungry: There's got to be more.'

Good book, get hold of it (there's one copy in the main library in Norwich, but I have it at the moment!)

It's a huge challenge to sing "Lord, let your glory fall" and really mean it. There's got to be more... I know that God is so big and so glorious that I can't comprehend even a tiny bit of His greatness, but I know that I want Him. But I also know that I couldn't handle God's glory! God said to Moses "You cannot see my face, for no-one may see me and live." (Exodus 33:20)

"You must increase, I must decrease, Lord."

Bits

We're going to Momentum!! See Helen's blog and Soul Survivor.

Haven't got much to blog about at the moment. I'm thinking about doing English at the UEA. English Literature or English Studies maybe... probably the latter because I have the grades for that.

If that doesn't appeal, go here to get your very own countdown banner for your desktop (105 days to go!)

(And if that doesn't appeal either, go here)