Joanna Trollope

I am increasingly enjoying Joanna Trollope's novels. Her writing at first seemed a little melancholy in tone, but that gripe is fading as I realise more and more what an excellent writer she is.

I've recently finished Other People's Children, which is about the breakup of a marriage from an affair, and the resulting families. A myriad of relationships is described, from the newly married Josie and Matt face the challenge of building a new home with the children from their previous marriages. Nadine, left to be a single mum and her difficulties in setting up home for herself and her three children, whom she jealously shares with their father Matt. The lovely Elizabeth and her attempt to become Tom's wife, with the enormous shoes of his first dead wife to fill as well as the difficult Dale, totally devoted to the memory of her mother.

The children's stories are also told with great detail and empathy. I particularly found Becy's struggles close to home, as she found her single mum difficult to deal with, and wanting to see her dad but being made to feel guilty for doing so.

Trollope has a very real and wise insight into family life. She writes with clarity but never makes any judgements on the characters. I highly recommend her books to anyone who likes to be engrossed in something thoughtful and compulsive.

I've also read The Rector's Wife and Brother and Sister.

Rock, paper, scissors

Saw this linked from Paul's blog. This is a favourite dispute decider for Ben and I, it mainly helps us decide who has to answer the phone!

Children in Need fun at work yesterday

Week off

And what a productive week it's been! As the holiday year runs from birthday to birthday I had 7 days spare which I took last week. I go back to work tomorrow :(

The house has had a thorough clear out and clean - it's amazing how much junk we've collected in just a year. I've been to the library a couple of times and enjoyed an afternoon reading a book in Neros (great hot chocolate, I think I've definately switched allegiance from Costa). Met Lauren for lunch in Costa (where they had no marshmallows for the second time!). Sorted the family photo collection. Entertained Dad and step-mum when they visited for the first time on Sunday. Accompnied Ben to two interviews. Made leek and potato soup for the first and second time (first time yummy, second not so good).

And after a week long search including about three supermarkets, found out what mascarpone is and where I would find it! I found a great receipe for a banana and toffee cake but want to wait til I've found all the ingredients. That'll be next weekend's project!

Spiggin' Not Funny!

(Lol! Ben's titles came up as options when I was typing mine in and the above seemed the most appropriate from the list!)

If I write this in my diary it'll turn into an even angrier rant, and I'd really like you friends and fellow bloggers who read to pray about this. Feel free to give any comments too even if they're on my mum's side, I'd be interested at the very least!

I called my mum on Wednesday to ask her who some people were in a photo and, she asked questions (how is Ben doing without a job, how are you feeling about it...) which paved the way to give her opinion on something that she seems to have been brooding on.

She said that I talk about nothing but the wedding. I think this is unfair, especially with Mum as I'm so loath to bring up anything that could possibly give her license to lecture me on her differing opinions. (If you want some background on her beliefs read this). Even if I did talk about it a lot it's because it needs a lot of planning, it's taking up a lot of my thoughts, I need my parents' input on a myriad of things that I haven't dared ask them yet and it's the most exciting life changing event of my life. I feel a bit gutted that I'm not allowed to go on about it! (Sorry if I've bored anyone else).

She also has a massive unfounded objection to Ben. Her main gripe at the moment is his lack of job. She said our wedding should be postponed until he's proven to me that he can provide for me. In my mind there is a huge part of a couple's relationship that isn't seen by the outside world, and people are so intricate and complicated that no one is ever going to truly know the state of a relationship. Because of what I know of Ben I'm confident that one of his biggest desires is to fulfil what he sees as his role as a man, of which being the main breadwinner is a part.

I also think there are times in everyone's lives when they struggle for money or have other problems that can put stress on their lives. But this situation isn't going to last forever and it shouldn't be any reason for me to lose Ben's trust by saying I'm only going to stay with him as long as he can earn money. I don't see our wedding to be anything other than a ceremony and party to confirm and celebrate our exisiting union. We're essentially married if only in a common law sense and I couldn't conceive of being married and leaving my husband until he could get himself into a better position. It's absurd.

I hung up on her once she started insulting Ben, which may or may not have been the right thing to do. I don't want my relationship with Ben to be tainted by the opinions of someone who hasn't taken the time to get to know him without having previous unfounded predjudices. It makes me unsure of him though no fault of his own.

This conversation is still annoying me two days later. I always knew Mum would have objections to our wedding as she does to everything else I do and am. I feel so utterly let down by her constant criticisms, and especially of her preachings of love but he lack of action. I love her because she's my mum but I really find it difficult to have any level of respect for someone who can't conceive that she might be not be right all the time.

Mum has already and I anticipate is going to be the biggest challenge to deal with for our wedding. If she was absent from the guest list I'd be supremely confident of the day running smoothly because of the amount of people she's had clashes with at some point. (It's going to be challenging enough having her and my brother in the same room for the day!) I have a horrible feeling that it isn't going to end on the day.

I feel so honoured...

The sky is streaked with red and dotted with bright flashes of fireworks for my birthday :)

Well not really for my birthday, but I'm glad Britian likes to celebrate! Thank you for all the happy birthday wishes and presents. Here are some of my cool cards:

22 ladybirds from Dave...


A brilliant as always handmade card from Helen (the picture wouldn't come out not blurred, it doesn't do it justice!)...


And a card with sweet nothings from Ben, only presented after a joke card (which was admittedly funnier than last year's!)... which won't publish properly, but it was pretty.

Now to start thinking about Christmas...

Proper thoughts on Ambient Wonder

I didnt really blog on it properly so here is a bit more comment. For some background, Heather posted a summary of the evening in her post here.

I think I've got to the stage where I'm growing out of Fridays and I enjoy something a bit more challenging, so it's definately a compliment to say Ambient Wonder is like Fridays for grown ups. It's soemhing I'm looking to moving on to, a new challenge and atmosphere to grow to love. The thing I like about Fridays is it's openess to incorporating things other than talks and songs into worship, and the kind of Fridays where there were different activities and ways to express myself was something I found a lot of freedom in.

Ambient Wonder last week was the same - there was space to be silent before God, time to be with others and to read their thoughts an other people's poems etc, admire everyone's art, (and laugh at our own silly lantern hastily made in a few minute near the end!)

One of the things that used to frustrate me about my last regular church (and lots inbetween) is the way the congregation is often shephered through a service with hardly a minute to reflect on why we're there, what we're doing and what it means. I love services with space to do this, to realise where I am before God and how to relate to him during the service and to find his presence there, something which I don't think can be done very easily in the hymn/sermon sandwich type service. I think this is one of the reasons I like St Augustine's so much. Every service we've been to has started with a time of silence and it's a great opportunity to ground myself and to prepare for meeting with God.

On the actual content of Ambient Wonder, I felt a bit out of tune with the thoughts being shared. After Heather had talked about the change of the seasons being an anxious time for our ancestors as they hurried to be ready for the cold weather, there was a time of darkness. I didn't feel any anxiousness in the dark at all - I thought about how I felt at ease. There was no one to look at me, the lack of light was gentle on my tired eyes and the peace was amazing!
Maybe that's the effect of living in the city for the past year - there are always street lights shining on our house, no room is ever in complete darkness, there's constant noise from the business next door and the traffic on the roads. I feel like I'm living in a 24/7 society sometimes, so the dark and quiet was comparatively soothing.

The light afterwards was interupting, bright, unwelcome and I missed the dark! Ben and I briefly wondered if we were being a bit pagan, because traditionally light is everyhing good and Godly, and dark is something the wicked love. Only briefly though! I think we were feeling light and dark as physical effects on our bodies rather than in any spiritual way.

In the future, as I get to know more people at St Augustine's, I hope Ambient Wonder can be a time to commune with others and to share experiences during the services.

Well done to Heather and Paul and the team behind the evening. I'm really looking forward to future events :)

Marriage blog updated

http://www.nearlymarried.blogspot.com/

Ambient Wonder

Ben and I went to our first Ambient Wonder service at St Augustine's last Sunday. It was like Fridays for grown ups.

Work is boring and unchallenging. I'd like to find a new job where I can dress up smartly and be appreciated. Saying that, we're having a charity dress up day for Children in Need in a couple of weeks and we've chosen to do fairy tale creatures and decorate our team area as a castle. Each team will be judged and a winner announced. We did the 1960s/70s last year and lost so we want to win this year! It will be fun to dress up as a princess... or fairy... or a princess with fairy wings...