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Sunday, June 26, 2005
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Overnight in the prayer room
Last night some NYFC forumites stayed in the prayer room all night. There were five of us which was a nice number, but more are welcome to come when we do the same next week! It was quite a cool night, we stayed up for most of it. Started with a solitary couple of hours just being quiet and looking at all the stuff in the room to use as aids to prayer. Later we played with the inflatable globe, throwing it to each other partly to keep us awake and energised, and we called out names of countries to pray, and the more knowledgable among us told us a bit about the current situation in some of the countries. Later we moved on to areas in Norwich and people here and afar who need prayer for whatever reason. We had a brilliant open prayer time where we just prayed for people on our hearts. It was good to share the burden with others, and, as Ben said, let God take our burdens.
I think one of the things that struck me about last night was the thought that I can pray for lots of things and really want things to happen and for God to answer, but in a way it starts with me. I have to make changes and follow God in my own life and hope that the rest of the world does too. 'Lord, send revival, start with me'. Helen put another slant on that by saying that often we pray for ourselves a lot, but we need to care about others as well (or words to that effect as far as I remember!) which is another thing sinking into my mind. Philippians 2:4 says 'Do not be interested only in your own life, but be interested in the lives of others.' Keeping up with what's going on in my friends' lives and the world has an important purpose, to engage with them so that I can pray effectively and care for people and about issues properly in the spirit of humility (just as Philippians 2 goes on to describe Jesus' humility in giving up his place with God to become like a servant for us).
We also had an interesting discussion about the Holy Spirit and other related tangents. (Early hours of the morning is always good for those kind of discussions. Pity I can't function enough to articulate my thoughts though!) I have much to think and pray about. Mark said in his blog how the presence of God felt as thick as treacle in the prayer room. I wouldn't say I felt it that strongly, but there's definately a sense that God is there and doing good things.
All in all a brilliant night, looking forward to next week.
I think one of the things that struck me about last night was the thought that I can pray for lots of things and really want things to happen and for God to answer, but in a way it starts with me. I have to make changes and follow God in my own life and hope that the rest of the world does too. 'Lord, send revival, start with me'. Helen put another slant on that by saying that often we pray for ourselves a lot, but we need to care about others as well (or words to that effect as far as I remember!) which is another thing sinking into my mind. Philippians 2:4 says 'Do not be interested only in your own life, but be interested in the lives of others.' Keeping up with what's going on in my friends' lives and the world has an important purpose, to engage with them so that I can pray effectively and care for people and about issues properly in the spirit of humility (just as Philippians 2 goes on to describe Jesus' humility in giving up his place with God to become like a servant for us).
We also had an interesting discussion about the Holy Spirit and other related tangents. (Early hours of the morning is always good for those kind of discussions. Pity I can't function enough to articulate my thoughts though!) I have much to think and pray about. Mark said in his blog how the presence of God felt as thick as treacle in the prayer room. I wouldn't say I felt it that strongly, but there's definately a sense that God is there and doing good things.
All in all a brilliant night, looking forward to next week.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Biblical Interpretation
More from 'A New Kind of Christian'...
If Biblical text is infallible, but all human interpretation is fallible, we have to be open to having our interpretations challenged. The authoritative text is not what I say about the text or even what I understand the text to say, but rather what God means it to say. Our interpretations reveal more about ourselves than they do about God or the Bible. The real issue is not the divide between evangelicals (who believe in the infallible, innerant, absolutely authoritative word) and liberals (Bible is inspired but not authoritative), but is rather the authority of God, moving mysteriously at a higher level.
The Bible calls the church the foundation of truth, Jesus the foundation of the church, and Jesus calls Peter called a foundation [I'm not so sure on that, see an earlier post], but it never calls itself a foundation.
Jesus transcended the normal level of discourse - for example the woman at the well in John 4. The big debate is over where people should worship, on this mountain or on that mountain. Jesus didn't choose one point or the other, he says that the answer is on this higher level, that what God wants is for us to worship him in spirit and truth, wherever we are. Both mountains are good places to worship, so in that way they are both right. But where you worship isn't the point at all, so in that way both sides are wrong.
The whole notion of authority is thoroughly modern. That oft-quoted verse in 2 Timothy doesn't say, 'All scripture is inspired by God and is authoratitve'. It says that Scripture is inspired and useful - useful to teach, rebuke, correct, instruct us to live justly, and equip us for our mission as the people of God. We want to use it as God's encyclopaedia, rule book, answer book, scientific text, easy-steps instructions book, God's little book of morals for all occassions. The only people in Jesus' time who had anything close to these expectations of the Bible were the scribes and Pharisees. We need to let go of the Bible as a modern book and rediscover it for what itreally is: an ancient cook of incredible spiritual value for us, a kind of universal and cosmic history, a book that tells us who we are and what story we find ourselves in so that we know what to do and how to live. That letting go is going to be hard for evangelicals.
My thoughts - this all makes much sense and I think it would be more helpful to have this view of the Bible, but I'm not entirely sure how it differs from the libralist view and how it's a higher truth rather than an evangelical/liberal divide.
Further reading (it's amazing how other bloggers suddenly make sense!)
Interpretation Part 1 and Part 2 by Heather
What is Biblical? by Paul
If Biblical text is infallible, but all human interpretation is fallible, we have to be open to having our interpretations challenged. The authoritative text is not what I say about the text or even what I understand the text to say, but rather what God means it to say. Our interpretations reveal more about ourselves than they do about God or the Bible. The real issue is not the divide between evangelicals (who believe in the infallible, innerant, absolutely authoritative word) and liberals (Bible is inspired but not authoritative), but is rather the authority of God, moving mysteriously at a higher level.
The Bible calls the church the foundation of truth, Jesus the foundation of the church, and Jesus calls Peter called a foundation [I'm not so sure on that, see an earlier post], but it never calls itself a foundation.
Jesus transcended the normal level of discourse - for example the woman at the well in John 4. The big debate is over where people should worship, on this mountain or on that mountain. Jesus didn't choose one point or the other, he says that the answer is on this higher level, that what God wants is for us to worship him in spirit and truth, wherever we are. Both mountains are good places to worship, so in that way they are both right. But where you worship isn't the point at all, so in that way both sides are wrong.
The whole notion of authority is thoroughly modern. That oft-quoted verse in 2 Timothy doesn't say, 'All scripture is inspired by God and is authoratitve'. It says that Scripture is inspired and useful - useful to teach, rebuke, correct, instruct us to live justly, and equip us for our mission as the people of God. We want to use it as God's encyclopaedia, rule book, answer book, scientific text, easy-steps instructions book, God's little book of morals for all occassions. The only people in Jesus' time who had anything close to these expectations of the Bible were the scribes and Pharisees. We need to let go of the Bible as a modern book and rediscover it for what itreally is: an ancient cook of incredible spiritual value for us, a kind of universal and cosmic history, a book that tells us who we are and what story we find ourselves in so that we know what to do and how to live. That letting go is going to be hard for evangelicals.
My thoughts - this all makes much sense and I think it would be more helpful to have this view of the Bible, but I'm not entirely sure how it differs from the libralist view and how it's a higher truth rather than an evangelical/liberal divide.
Further reading (it's amazing how other bloggers suddenly make sense!)
Interpretation Part 1 and Part 2 by Heather
What is Biblical? by Paul
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Yay!
I got a job! Went for an interview yesterday with Norwich Union, and they called me this morning saying I start on Monday! I'll be a customer services representative, working in the NU building on Colegate in Norwich. I'm looking forward to it :D
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Postmodernism
I'm currently reading 'A New Kind of Christian' by Brian McLaren. It takes the form of a fictional narrative between two friends, and is described in the blurb as 'a wise and wondrous approachfor revitalizing Christian spiritual life and Christian congregations.
I'm going to summarise what I've read so far, partly to make it all stay in my brain, and partly because I bet there are a few people out there who are as confused about postmodernism as I am and it my be helpful...
The modern world can be described as a period in history, roughly AD 500-1500. There are several characteristics of this era, such as conquest and control, for example from Columbus's explorations to the Western European world conquering areas such as philosophy, culture, economies, languages, religion and technology. The modern era was also an age of analysis, making the universe knowable and controllable through science. Absolute objectivity is important in the modern era, and what was still unknown was thought to be ultimately knowable. There was the highest faith in human reason to replace all mysteries with comprehension. It was an age of debate, dialect, argument and discussion, and also of individualism (as conquest and control is pursued, individuals are left disconnected) and consumerism.
To understand the term 'postmodernism', it's helpful to see 'modern' in terms of an historical age rather than meaning that which is in the present. So to be postmodern doesn't mean to be anti-modern or non-modern, it simply means to have experienced the modern world and to have been changed by the experience to such a degree that one is no longer modern. The postmodern era could be said to have started around 2000.
Before the modern era, there was the medieval era. The transition from medieval to modern was marked by some significant changes. For example, there was new communication technology in the form of the printing press. There was a new scientific worldview when Copernicus asserted that the earth is not the centre of the universe. A new intellectual elite emerged (people such as Galileo, Newton, Bacon) which challenged church authority and introduced a new epistemology (way of knowing). There was new transportation technology in the shape of the sailing ship which made the world seem smaller. There was also the decay of an old economic system and the rise of a new one, new military technology and a new attack on dominant authorities with a defensive reaction (notably the Protestant Reformation).
There are similar changes being seen today, indicating a change from the modern era to the postmodern. We have improved communications in radio/television/internet, new scientific ways of seeing the world and ourselves (eg post-Einsteinian theories of relativity, and theories such as expanding universe unsettling the modern, stable view of modern science). Postmodern philosophy is challenging existing elites. Air travel had greatly intensified the integration of world cultures, we have new economic structures including e-commerce, new military technology and a decline of institutional religion as it is attacked by secularism, materialism and urbanism.
Understanding this can give us a different perspective on Christianity today. To the Christians of medieval Europe, we would not be considered Christians, simply because we don't believe in things that were fundamental to their faith. For example, we don't believe that kings rule by divine right, we don't believe that God created a universe consisting of concentric spheres of ascending perfection, and we agree with Copernicus that the earth rotates around the sun.
All this leads to an important question: Is it possible that we as moderns have similarly intertwined a different but equally contingent worldview with our external faith? Is the modern version of Christianity destined to become a medieval cathedral? Our peers have already crossed the line into the postmodern world, but, wanting to be faithful to our Christian upbringings, so thoroughly enmeshed with modernity, few of us have. We need to venture ahead in our faith and learn to practise our faith and devotion to Christ in the new emerging culture of postmodernity.
So that's what I've read so far... and I have to admit it's hugely challenging to me, comfortable in my modern, absolutist faith. And also slightly scary - has my worldview contaminated my faith? Is it holding me back? How do we separate faith from its intertwined worldview?
At the same time, this book is proving to be an exciting journey. I've often felt that my faith is archaic compared to the views of my non-Christian friends, so maybe it would be an exciting challenge to be able to 'catch up' with my postmodern peers and make Christianity relevant to a postmodern world. Maybe more thoughts on this and the rest of 'A New Kind of Christian' in later posts.
I'm going to summarise what I've read so far, partly to make it all stay in my brain, and partly because I bet there are a few people out there who are as confused about postmodernism as I am and it my be helpful...
The modern world can be described as a period in history, roughly AD 500-1500. There are several characteristics of this era, such as conquest and control, for example from Columbus's explorations to the Western European world conquering areas such as philosophy, culture, economies, languages, religion and technology. The modern era was also an age of analysis, making the universe knowable and controllable through science. Absolute objectivity is important in the modern era, and what was still unknown was thought to be ultimately knowable. There was the highest faith in human reason to replace all mysteries with comprehension. It was an age of debate, dialect, argument and discussion, and also of individualism (as conquest and control is pursued, individuals are left disconnected) and consumerism.
To understand the term 'postmodernism', it's helpful to see 'modern' in terms of an historical age rather than meaning that which is in the present. So to be postmodern doesn't mean to be anti-modern or non-modern, it simply means to have experienced the modern world and to have been changed by the experience to such a degree that one is no longer modern. The postmodern era could be said to have started around 2000.
Before the modern era, there was the medieval era. The transition from medieval to modern was marked by some significant changes. For example, there was new communication technology in the form of the printing press. There was a new scientific worldview when Copernicus asserted that the earth is not the centre of the universe. A new intellectual elite emerged (people such as Galileo, Newton, Bacon) which challenged church authority and introduced a new epistemology (way of knowing). There was new transportation technology in the shape of the sailing ship which made the world seem smaller. There was also the decay of an old economic system and the rise of a new one, new military technology and a new attack on dominant authorities with a defensive reaction (notably the Protestant Reformation).
There are similar changes being seen today, indicating a change from the modern era to the postmodern. We have improved communications in radio/television/internet, new scientific ways of seeing the world and ourselves (eg post-Einsteinian theories of relativity, and theories such as expanding universe unsettling the modern, stable view of modern science). Postmodern philosophy is challenging existing elites. Air travel had greatly intensified the integration of world cultures, we have new economic structures including e-commerce, new military technology and a decline of institutional religion as it is attacked by secularism, materialism and urbanism.
Understanding this can give us a different perspective on Christianity today. To the Christians of medieval Europe, we would not be considered Christians, simply because we don't believe in things that were fundamental to their faith. For example, we don't believe that kings rule by divine right, we don't believe that God created a universe consisting of concentric spheres of ascending perfection, and we agree with Copernicus that the earth rotates around the sun.
All this leads to an important question: Is it possible that we as moderns have similarly intertwined a different but equally contingent worldview with our external faith? Is the modern version of Christianity destined to become a medieval cathedral? Our peers have already crossed the line into the postmodern world, but, wanting to be faithful to our Christian upbringings, so thoroughly enmeshed with modernity, few of us have. We need to venture ahead in our faith and learn to practise our faith and devotion to Christ in the new emerging culture of postmodernity.
So that's what I've read so far... and I have to admit it's hugely challenging to me, comfortable in my modern, absolutist faith. And also slightly scary - has my worldview contaminated my faith? Is it holding me back? How do we separate faith from its intertwined worldview?
At the same time, this book is proving to be an exciting journey. I've often felt that my faith is archaic compared to the views of my non-Christian friends, so maybe it would be an exciting challenge to be able to 'catch up' with my postmodern peers and make Christianity relevant to a postmodern world. Maybe more thoughts on this and the rest of 'A New Kind of Christian' in later posts.
Friday, June 17, 2005
24/7 prayer
Nothing much to blog about... just want some people to sign up to 24/7 on Sunday morning because it looks like I'm gonna be all alone. If you're not going to church sign up now!
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Challenge for the next week
Brilliant quote from 'Dad's' blog, don't know who it's from but it's cool:
“In this country there is enough spiritual food for every man woman and child to be turbo charged miracle workers, who an actually make true Jesus’s words which say “if you have faith in me you can do even greater works than these” (greater than making the lame walk, blind see and the arrogant admit).
Yet, like our other food, it’s all a bit potted. We eat greasy hamburgers and fast/comfort food, like cheap bible notes and token, 2-verse readings, we accept sermons which tell us about the three Rs of ministry or whatever, but don’t actually tell us to get off our butts and minister to the downtrodden.
And like most of our edible food, our spiritual food is squandered, thrown away as it reaches it’s expiry date before we’ve opened it, left to fester: How many bibles are there in your house which haven’t been read today? For people across the world who have to paper their bathrooms with the gospel so that as a book it isn’t found by the authorities (which would lead to their execution), where people die ferrying bibles across borders, this scandal would not be tolerated.
In Africa some people every week walk 3 hours to church, have an hour long service, and then spend 3 hours coming back. That’s seven hours. So here’s the challenge: this week spend seven hours reading the bible. Not junk food, real food. The word of God. Structure your reading, read though sensibly, slowly and logically one book at a time, for an hour a day.”
“In this country there is enough spiritual food for every man woman and child to be turbo charged miracle workers, who an actually make true Jesus’s words which say “if you have faith in me you can do even greater works than these” (greater than making the lame walk, blind see and the arrogant admit).
Yet, like our other food, it’s all a bit potted. We eat greasy hamburgers and fast/comfort food, like cheap bible notes and token, 2-verse readings, we accept sermons which tell us about the three Rs of ministry or whatever, but don’t actually tell us to get off our butts and minister to the downtrodden.
And like most of our edible food, our spiritual food is squandered, thrown away as it reaches it’s expiry date before we’ve opened it, left to fester: How many bibles are there in your house which haven’t been read today? For people across the world who have to paper their bathrooms with the gospel so that as a book it isn’t found by the authorities (which would lead to their execution), where people die ferrying bibles across borders, this scandal would not be tolerated.
In Africa some people every week walk 3 hours to church, have an hour long service, and then spend 3 hours coming back. That’s seven hours. So here’s the challenge: this week spend seven hours reading the bible. Not junk food, real food. The word of God. Structure your reading, read though sensibly, slowly and logically one book at a time, for an hour a day.”
Books
Went to evensong again today, this time with Lou, Helen and Carl. I have to defend myself, I won't go with Helen again because she gave me the giggles which isn't a good idea in an echoey solemn cathedral! It was good going a second time, had an order of service so was able to follow what was being sung (by male and female choirs today).
I'm reading 'In Search of Authentic Faith' by Steve Rabey at the moment. It's subtitled 'how the emerging generations are transforming the church'. I've read the first few chapters, and though I'm not entirely sure of the overall message of the book yet it's so far proving to be an accessible and understandable crash course in generation differences and modern/postmodern differences. Rabey recommends Stanley Grenz's 'A Primer on Postmodernism' as an introduction to postmodernism which I might check out, 'postmodernism' seems to be thrown about an awful lot just now and I don't understand much of it!
Next book to pick up from the library is one by Brian McLaren, forgotten which one. Will be interesting to read his work, I haven't read many complimentary reports... any comments?
I'm reading 'In Search of Authentic Faith' by Steve Rabey at the moment. It's subtitled 'how the emerging generations are transforming the church'. I've read the first few chapters, and though I'm not entirely sure of the overall message of the book yet it's so far proving to be an accessible and understandable crash course in generation differences and modern/postmodern differences. Rabey recommends Stanley Grenz's 'A Primer on Postmodernism' as an introduction to postmodernism which I might check out, 'postmodernism' seems to be thrown about an awful lot just now and I don't understand much of it!
Next book to pick up from the library is one by Brian McLaren, forgotten which one. Will be interesting to read his work, I haven't read many complimentary reports... any comments?
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Question
The Apostles' Creed
'I believe in God the Father Almighty; Maker of heaven and earth.
And in Jesus Christ his only Son our Lord; who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was cruicified, dead and buried; the third day he rose from the dead; he ascended into heaven; and sitteth at the right hand of God the Father Almighty; from thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic Church; the communion of the saints; the forgiveness of sins; the resurrection of the body; and the life everlasting. Amen.
Who/what are the quick??
'I believe in God the Father Almighty; Maker of heaven and earth.
And in Jesus Christ his only Son our Lord; who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was cruicified, dead and buried; the third day he rose from the dead; he ascended into heaven; and sitteth at the right hand of God the Father Almighty; from thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic Church; the communion of the saints; the forgiveness of sins; the resurrection of the body; and the life everlasting. Amen.
Who/what are the quick??
Saturday, June 11, 2005
Another quiz!
You scored as Neo orthodox. You are neo-orthodox. You reject the human-centredness and scepticism of liberal theology, but neither do you go to the other extreme and make the Bible the central issue for faith. You believe that Christ is God's most important revelation to humanity, and the Trinity is hugely important in your theology. The Bible is also important because it points us to the revelation of Christ. You are influenced by Karl Barth and P T Forsyth.
What's your theological worldview? created with QuizFarm.com |
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Evensong
Went to evensong with Lou at Norwich Cathedral today. It was an interesting experience. It was a very passive service - a time to sit and listen rather than being actively involved - apart from singing one hymn and saying the Apostle's Creed and the grace, the rest was listening to the choir and the 'lessons'. It amuses me that Bible readings are called lessons, to me the Bible is much more alive than being just a lesson. Maybe it could be described as a super interactive C21st kind of lesson though!
The music was quite cool... I enjoyed it just because of the gorgeous harmony rather than what was being sung though, it was difficult to make out what the choir was singing. I imagine if I was more prepared and had the text in front of me to follow it would have been a nice opportunity for a bit of meditation (in the thinking sense). I felt very safe and comfortable in that small part of the Cathedral, but at the same time the vastness of the building meant I couldn't forget how big God is.
Lou mentioned in her blog about the leaders bowing towards the altar... that was a bit weird, though I suppose it could be seen as a mark of respect... but how can respect be shown to an almighty God by bowing to a table with a cross on it? I'm not quite sure what I think of that, but strangely I wasn't totally uncomfortable with it. Though turning to face the altar to say (or rather listen to!) the Apostles' Creed was slightly odd.
There weren't many people there, just a handful. There were more choir members than congregation. Being around such tradition in the city centre was a good feeling, yet sad... like God is so near and yet so far.
Need to do more stepping out in faith in the next few weeks, don't want to stagnate.
The music was quite cool... I enjoyed it just because of the gorgeous harmony rather than what was being sung though, it was difficult to make out what the choir was singing. I imagine if I was more prepared and had the text in front of me to follow it would have been a nice opportunity for a bit of meditation (in the thinking sense). I felt very safe and comfortable in that small part of the Cathedral, but at the same time the vastness of the building meant I couldn't forget how big God is.
Lou mentioned in her blog about the leaders bowing towards the altar... that was a bit weird, though I suppose it could be seen as a mark of respect... but how can respect be shown to an almighty God by bowing to a table with a cross on it? I'm not quite sure what I think of that, but strangely I wasn't totally uncomfortable with it. Though turning to face the altar to say (or rather listen to!) the Apostles' Creed was slightly odd.
There weren't many people there, just a handful. There were more choir members than congregation. Being around such tradition in the city centre was a good feeling, yet sad... like God is so near and yet so far.
Need to do more stepping out in faith in the next few weeks, don't want to stagnate.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Wanderings of a bored person (synonym anyone?)
Feeling horrible today, getting really frustrated with job hunting and I'm having a bad patch with my proofreading course. I'm thinking I should have done childcare or something easier to get a job with. I'm wondering where to go to church next Sunday... possibly Taverham Evangelical again, but I'm reluctant to get involved there because I'm hoping to move out as soon as I can, which will probably be to the city. Possibly Proclaimers, but I'm really not sure I want to go there either. Totally given up with Surrey Chapel. Maybe I'll try somewhere else in the city. Looking forward to starting a small group in the next week or two with a few friends who are in similar positions with church.
As the NYFC forum is unavailable for the next few days (noooo! I'm totally unahamed of being an addict :P), I wandered around the web instead...
Watched a couple of film trailers here. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe looks cool, and I'm pleased to see the fourth Harry Potter film seems to have returned to a similar format to the first two films, I wasn't keen on the third one. Also watched the trailer for Closer, looking forward to the DVD arriving from Amazon, it's late.
Found some interesting pictures on the BBC site about climate change. It's also good to see lots of stories covering the G8 summit, Africa, Live 8 and other things. I was disappointed to read that President Bush has only pledged £350 million for Africa, coming out of an existing US aid budget. Although listening to Radio 4 at the moment, Andrew Marr seems to think this is only the first step of something bigger before the G8 summit in a month. I wish I understood it all more.
I took refuge in Blogdom for a while, SharpReader is my new best friend. I came across Pilgrim's Progress, blog of the Crafty Curate, which is interesting. Check out this version of Psalm 42.
On my web wanderings today, I finally reached the Smile Jesus Loves You Forum, which said:
Attention:
You have reached the very last page of the Internet.
We hope you have enjoyed your browsing.
Now turn off your computer and go outside and play.
...so having blogged on my journey, that is what I shall do.
As the NYFC forum is unavailable for the next few days (noooo! I'm totally unahamed of being an addict :P), I wandered around the web instead...
Watched a couple of film trailers here. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe looks cool, and I'm pleased to see the fourth Harry Potter film seems to have returned to a similar format to the first two films, I wasn't keen on the third one. Also watched the trailer for Closer, looking forward to the DVD arriving from Amazon, it's late.
Found some interesting pictures on the BBC site about climate change. It's also good to see lots of stories covering the G8 summit, Africa, Live 8 and other things. I was disappointed to read that President Bush has only pledged £350 million for Africa, coming out of an existing US aid budget. Although listening to Radio 4 at the moment, Andrew Marr seems to think this is only the first step of something bigger before the G8 summit in a month. I wish I understood it all more.
I took refuge in Blogdom for a while, SharpReader is my new best friend. I came across Pilgrim's Progress, blog of the Crafty Curate, which is interesting. Check out this version of Psalm 42.
On my web wanderings today, I finally reached the Smile Jesus Loves You Forum, which said:
Attention:
You have reached the very last page of the Internet.
We hope you have enjoyed your browsing.
Now turn off your computer and go outside and play.
...so having blogged on my journey, that is what I shall do.
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Weekend
Fridays was cool this week, though had a headache all evening so didn't concentrate. It was one of those evenings that made no impact on me but is seeping in slowly.
Went to Audacious tonight, was its one year anniversary and the name was changed to Awesome. I found it so difficult to focus on God, wherever I looked there was the band or pictures of the band and smoke and noise and distractions. I don't know if it's just me as a person that prefers a more introspective, quiet atmosphere. Audacious is a rollercoaster, it's a contant stream of images, music, speach, there doesn't seem to be any time for reflection or silence, to 'Be still and know that I am God'. It was just too much hype to cope with tonight. The talk was strange, I thought the guy (Mal Fletcher) was a good speaker but I did wonder when he was going to get round to bringing some Bible into it (he did near the end).
I hate being so critical of every church I go to. I desperately want to be able to appreciate a church service and be able to get involved and feel that what I'm getting involved in is right, but I don't feel I could do that anywhere at the moment. So tired of the whole church thing.
Went to Audacious tonight, was its one year anniversary and the name was changed to Awesome. I found it so difficult to focus on God, wherever I looked there was the band or pictures of the band and smoke and noise and distractions. I don't know if it's just me as a person that prefers a more introspective, quiet atmosphere. Audacious is a rollercoaster, it's a contant stream of images, music, speach, there doesn't seem to be any time for reflection or silence, to 'Be still and know that I am God'. It was just too much hype to cope with tonight. The talk was strange, I thought the guy (Mal Fletcher) was a good speaker but I did wonder when he was going to get round to bringing some Bible into it (he did near the end).
I hate being so critical of every church I go to. I desperately want to be able to appreciate a church service and be able to get involved and feel that what I'm getting involved in is right, but I don't feel I could do that anywhere at the moment. So tired of the whole church thing.
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Balloon balloon balloon
A passage from one of my favourite books, Make Lemonade by Virginia Euwer Wolff:
Jeremy sits on the underside of the shopping cart,
the bottom rack
where you would put huge things
like a great big bag of dog food.
He's happy under there, he's a lion at the zoo,
as he tells me in front of the canned beet shelves.
He says my name:
"Bon see lion zoo?"He holds on to the cart like it's his cage,
scoping out the legs going past.
Now I start to pretend to be down there,
I begin looking just at legs and feet parading
past the magazines on the rack
about how a lady gave birth to a Martian
and the father of the baby is suing for visiting rights.
Down there is where bubble gum and lost shopping lists go,
stuck to the floor with bootprints on top,
and celery pieces and used pacifiers and spilled coffee beans
from the gourmet grinder.
I look down there
and that's where you see the toes of people
and their hairy ankles
and their untied shoes
and the feet of dry shrunken ladies
when their sons take them shopping.
Up higher you hear their voices
making some last request,
you see their sons go along with it,
some kind of creamed corn or oxtail soup in a can,
and you see their sons stop trying to talk them out of it.
But way down below
where Jeremy is
you just hear the scraping of their shoes
across the spilled rigatoni pieces,
and the limping old legs,
these old ones that haven't given up yet.
I'm thinking that's why they want kids to kid up top
of the cart cruising the grocery store,
up there where the world isn't such a dying, garbagy place of discards.
I'm about to invite Jeremy up top
and I bend down to get the Pepsi 6-pack and I hear
near my knees,
Jeremy's sending a message real soft,
sending it to the knees of strangers:
Balloon Balloon Balloon Balloon
Balloon Balloon Balloon Balloon
Balloon Balloon Balloon Balloon
Balloon Balloon Balloon Balloon
Balloon
Jeremy sits on the underside of the shopping cart,
the bottom rack
where you would put huge things
like a great big bag of dog food.
He's happy under there, he's a lion at the zoo,
as he tells me in front of the canned beet shelves.
He says my name:
"Bon see lion zoo?"He holds on to the cart like it's his cage,
scoping out the legs going past.
Now I start to pretend to be down there,
I begin looking just at legs and feet parading
past the magazines on the rack
about how a lady gave birth to a Martian
and the father of the baby is suing for visiting rights.
Down there is where bubble gum and lost shopping lists go,
stuck to the floor with bootprints on top,
and celery pieces and used pacifiers and spilled coffee beans
from the gourmet grinder.
I look down there
and that's where you see the toes of people
and their hairy ankles
and their untied shoes
and the feet of dry shrunken ladies
when their sons take them shopping.
Up higher you hear their voices
making some last request,
you see their sons go along with it,
some kind of creamed corn or oxtail soup in a can,
and you see their sons stop trying to talk them out of it.
But way down below
where Jeremy is
you just hear the scraping of their shoes
across the spilled rigatoni pieces,
and the limping old legs,
these old ones that haven't given up yet.
I'm thinking that's why they want kids to kid up top
of the cart cruising the grocery store,
up there where the world isn't such a dying, garbagy place of discards.
I'm about to invite Jeremy up top
and I bend down to get the Pepsi 6-pack and I hear
near my knees,
Jeremy's sending a message real soft,
sending it to the knees of strangers:
Balloon Balloon Balloon Balloon
Balloon Balloon Balloon Balloon
Balloon Balloon Balloon Balloon
Balloon Balloon Balloon Balloon
Balloon
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Look up!
So many things to write about, so little point. Life in Lauraland was not nice today. Mother is winding me up again. Every so often she manages to crack my veneer and make me doubt my commitment to God. Imagine calmly making lunch while having your mother whisper insults at you (so the visitor in the next room doesn't hear) - 'you're trashing me and , you're so ungrateful, you're rude, you don't respect me, you're not a Christian, how can you claim to be a Christian then treat me like dirt? God will judge you' etc etc. All because I protested at her making constant jokes yesterday while I was trying to fill in a job application. Am I really such a bad person? Do I really give off this horrible energy that makes her hate me so much? The one that most gets to me is her questioning my faith, which she knows nothing about because I haven't talked to her about what I believe for years. She judges me on my church attendance, and, as churches have got it all wrong I'm stupid to keep going. :-/
Bad moods always have a tiny starting point and spiral out of control into stupid insecurities. Should I miss the immediate family that I don't live with? If I don't miss them does that mean I don't love them? If I don't love them does that make me a bad person? Being a Christian - is Mum right or am I right? How can I ever know? I suppose ultimately I can never know for sure which of us is right. In a way it's mind over matter - the more I feed my mind with God, the easier it is to distinguish between our similar but very, very different beliefs. That bit is easy, it's just a slap on the wrist and a note to self not to swallow such utter rubbish. The difficult part is learning to relate to her in a way that God would be proud of. At the moment, I'd be quite happy to move out and cut off all contact with her, it would be blissful relief, but it probably wouldn't be the right outcome. Sometimes being a Christian is so much effort. But hey, life may suck but God is ultimately bigger and better, so it's okay.
Verse of the day:
'We have this treasure from God, but we are like clay jars that hold the treasure. This shows that the great power is from God, not from us. We have troubles all around us, but we are not defeated. We do not know what to do, but we do not give up the hope of living. We are persucuted, but God does not leave us. We are hurt sometimes, but we are not destroyed...
'So we do not give up. Our physical body is becoming older and weaker, but our spirit inside is made new for every day. We have small troubles for a while now, but they are helping us gain an eternal glory that is much greater than the troubles. We set our eyes not on what we see but on what we cannot see. What we see will last only a short time, but what we cannot see will last forever.'
~ 1 Corinthians 4:7-9 and 16-18 (okay so it was a bit more than a verse, but it's a cool passage so go back and read it if you skipped it!)
Bad moods always have a tiny starting point and spiral out of control into stupid insecurities. Should I miss the immediate family that I don't live with? If I don't miss them does that mean I don't love them? If I don't love them does that make me a bad person? Being a Christian - is Mum right or am I right? How can I ever know? I suppose ultimately I can never know for sure which of us is right. In a way it's mind over matter - the more I feed my mind with God, the easier it is to distinguish between our similar but very, very different beliefs. That bit is easy, it's just a slap on the wrist and a note to self not to swallow such utter rubbish. The difficult part is learning to relate to her in a way that God would be proud of. At the moment, I'd be quite happy to move out and cut off all contact with her, it would be blissful relief, but it probably wouldn't be the right outcome. Sometimes being a Christian is so much effort. But hey, life may suck but God is ultimately bigger and better, so it's okay.
Verse of the day:
'We have this treasure from God, but we are like clay jars that hold the treasure. This shows that the great power is from God, not from us. We have troubles all around us, but we are not defeated. We do not know what to do, but we do not give up the hope of living. We are persucuted, but God does not leave us. We are hurt sometimes, but we are not destroyed...
'So we do not give up. Our physical body is becoming older and weaker, but our spirit inside is made new for every day. We have small troubles for a while now, but they are helping us gain an eternal glory that is much greater than the troubles. We set our eyes not on what we see but on what we cannot see. What we see will last only a short time, but what we cannot see will last forever.'
~ 1 Corinthians 4:7-9 and 16-18 (okay so it was a bit more than a verse, but it's a cool passage so go back and read it if you skipped it!)
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
And just for fun...
You scored as Cinderella. Your alter ego is Cinderella! You often find yourself doing a lot of housework, but if you are patient, your hard work usually pays off. You are prone to losing things, so dont rush through everything.
Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego? created with QuizFarm.com |
The latest quiz
Stolen from Paul, Heather and Carl's blogs... is cultural creative the Christian outcome or is it just coincidence?
You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.
What is Your World View? (updated)
created with QuizFarm.com
You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.
What is Your World View? (updated)
created with QuizFarm.com
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