Brainwashing 2

Church was different tonight, it was set out with round tables and candles and there was jazz playing as people came in. Rather than a full band, it was just acoustic guitar and a singer leading the worship.

A phrase that jumped out at me during the sermon was, "It's not brainwashing, it's a renewal of our minds." That reminded me of a Greek word my theology lecturer last year used constantly - metanoia, which means a complete transformation or renewal of our apperceptions. It's used throughout the New Testament (and, as far as I remember, in Matthew 16 - read on) but is normally translated as repentance.

Every judgement we make starts from a set of beliefs or assumptions or suppositions, which means that we're normally looking to ourselves to verify things. There's a famous maxim that was inscribed on the Sun god Apollo's Oracle of Delphi temple in Ancient Greece, "Know Thyself", the theory being this: "If thou knowest thyself well, thou art better and more praiseworthy before God, than if thou didst not know thyself."

Christianity is different. Instead of looking to ourselves or other sources for verification we can look to God. The story of Peter's confession of Christ in Matthew 16 demonstrates this. Jesus asks Peter who people said he is, and Peter answered "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God." Jesus responded "Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, because this was not revealed to you by man but by my Father in heaven." As Christians, we can't verify our knowledge of God from what other people tell us or from our own thinking (although these are useful methods for perhaps consolidating belief), but from God. God changes all our prior knowledge and appreceptions so that our minds can be transformed in the knowledge of Him.

So back to brainwashing... "It's not brainwashing, it's a renewal of our minds." When I think of brainwashing, I think of big events where exhortations from the pulpit (or stage/whatever) or corporate worship or maybe even using music to set a mood can easily be misconstrued as mass brainwashing. I think the important thing to remember is that each person involved in those settings is on a personal journey, each person is in the process of having their mind renewed. SO in a way, it is brainwashing, but in a very literal sense - God is washing our minds and transforming us so we can be more like Jesus.

In a practical sense, I'm still not sure how this image can be avoided, or how our awareness of people's perception of Christianity as brainwashing should alter how we do things... eagerly awaiting Carl's explanation of his last comment! "IMO, brainwashing is a very real danger that we should be careful to avoid - I think your awareness of it should affect how you teach people the gospel, maybe."

Brainwashing

A word that seems to be bouncing around at the moment is "brainwashing", specifically relating to Christianity. It isn't something I've thought about in much depth, but I can see where people are coming from. Unless you're in the right frame of mind to get involved in mass worship it's all too easy to step back and think "What's the real motive here?" That's something I often do at church, whether I'm somewhere more traditional and thinking, "Why aren't people more excited about God?!" Or somewhere more charismatic thinking, "Are people really this excited about God?" Or on the rare occasion, loving every minute of it and wanting to give God everything.

So is it brainwashing? Do you have to let yourself be swept along with the hype to be able to worship God in an atmosphere like church or other events? I'm not so sure...

"David, wearing a linen ephod, danced before the LORD with all his might, while he and the entire house of Israel brought up the ark of the LORD with shouts and the sound of trumpets.
As the ark of the LORD was entering the City of David, Machal daughter of Saul watched from a window. And when she saw King David leaping and dancing before the LORD, she despised him in her heart...
...When David returned from home to bless his household, Michal daughter of Saul came out to meet him and said, "How the king of Israel has distinguished himself today, disrobing in the sight of the slave girls of his servants as any vulgar fellow would."
David said to Michal, "It was before the LORD, who chose me rather than your father or anyone from his house when he appointed me ruler over the LORD's people Israel - I will celebrate before the LORD. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes..."
2 Samuel 6:14-22

Matt Redman calls David an 'undignified worshipper' (see his book The Unquenchable Worshipper). He gives everything to God, lets himself go and, although the whole house of Israel is celebrating and shouting to God, he's still pretty distinctive, so much so that his wife despised him. He stood out from the crowd.

Maybe we've got it wrong in church, expecting everyone to engage with God in the same way. Maybe we're all being sheep and getting swept up in the hype. But hey, if it works for you and you can worship God like that, what's wrong with it? And if it doesn't, find something that does work. Be distinctive! Don't let your suspicion of brainwashing or your need to fit in with the crowd stop you getting down to the real work of giving God everything you've got.

Good Fridays

Good Fridays was brilliant tonight (see NYFC link in sidebar). I've decided I love Easter because it's so much purer and more genuine than Christmas and all the commercialism that goes with that.

Tonight was a great catching up night. I haven't been to Fridays since last summer probably so it was good to be there and see people. It made me realise how much more confident I've become in the past year and how working and going to uni (even if it was only for a short time) have been really good experiences. It's so freeing to be able to make conversation with most people and be confident enough to introduce myself to new people.

Life is good, God is fantastic!

Good Friday

Easter is stupidly early this year, it's making me panic just a little bit about getting my life on track! I'm enjoying freedom at the moment, especially as Mum and I have been getting on a bit better recently.

I tried on a bridesmaid dress for Dad's August wedding yesterday. It's far too early to be looking but I've been told to try these specific dresses. This one was in Monsoon, it's a rose/dusky pink strapless dress with a full and floaty layered skirt. Not exactly me but it would be okay I guess! I have a few more to try so hopefully one of them will be better.

So Good Friday... the central point of the gospel. Easter always seems to be a time for personal reflection rather than any big celebration. Every year without fail the first thought that comes to mind on Good Friday is how big a failure I am, which ties in with Jesus being put to death for my awfulness. Then comes this uncertainty that I could ever do any better at being a Christian, at giving God my whole heart, time, money etc. The disciples were probably uncertain at that time, wondering if Jesus had really been telling the truth over the three years that were with him. The final feeling comes on Easter Sunday, an affirmation of God's greatness and my faith, and overwealming relief and thankfulness that Jesus' blood covers my sin.

School work

Today I sorted out all the school work I've ever done. Mum is a notorious hoarder and has kept everything I've done since reception. Needless to say most of it is going in the bin!

It was strange looking through it all... especially stuff from lessons like PSE (Personal and Social Education) lessons with questions like "What are your good qualities? What do you not like about yourself?" It's like looking back at different people sometimes, and it's weird seeing which bits I've thrown out of me and which bits I've kept, and discovering things I'd just forgotten about.

When I was five, I was going to live in a house made of pastry and fudge when I grew up. When I was ten, I thought I'd have a husband and children and grandchildren by 2036 and I would be running a teashop. That seems a little ambitious for 52... I was never brilliant at Maths!

Ponderings

Today has been productive. I filled in an application form for holiday club work that I'm really pleased with and they're going to think I'm totally amazing and employ me instantly! (Hey, I can dream!) I've also decided that youth work is the field I'm going to go for. All the work experience and voluntary things I've done have been with children and I really enjoy it, so that's my plan. Some kind of further education or training in the next few years is probably in order... a stop at the careers centre first though.

Pondering of the day - is the church built on Peter or Peter's confession of faith? I always thought it was just a wordplay on Peter's name - you are Peter (Petros in Greek) and on this rock (Petra... his confession of faith?) I'll build my church. (Paraphrased badly from Matt 16). It seems pretty silly for Jesus to build his church on a person, makes much more sense for it to be built on the foundation of truth rather than a flawed human. The NIV study Bible says either could be right, as Eph 2:20 talks about the church being built on the foundation of "apostles and prophets", but it fails to mention that the rest of the verse is that Christ is the "chief cornerstone". I still think the foundation being the confession of faith is more likely. I have faaar too much time on my hands.

Music

I'm getting into Philip Glass, especially his Violin Concerto - the first movement is brimming with energy and moodiness, it's fantastic. Have a listen to an excerpt here. I'm also enjoying John Rutter's Distant Land, which includes a brilliant Beatles Concerto for orchestra and two pianos. It's big and dramatic in true Romantic style!

I thought I'd found my perfect full time job, working with children in a holiday club-type environment, but it's exactly that, a holiday job working for the council playschemes that run during school holidays. I'm going to apply anyway, as the holidays are approaching and it's good pay. Plus it doesn't require any formal childcare qualifications. Having A Levels doesn't seem to count for anything at the moment, most jobs require GCSEs, experience, or specific qualifications.

I've been going to Proclaimers Church in Norwich for several weeks now and finding it challenging and interesting. One of the things that irritates me about my previous church is the apparant lack of passion for God, but Proclaimers is more charismatic and the passion there is contagious! I'm finding it a challenging experience not only because of the good preaching but because of the way they embrace the Holy Spirit, which in some ways is quite new to me. I always seem to be a passive observer with the Holy Spirit, more often watching proceedings in wonder or bewilderment rather than participating in any way. I'm watching a discussion about the Holy Spirit on NYFC's forum with interest, and wondering why the whole thing is such an alien concept to me in 11 years of being a Christian. I'm looking forward to getting more involved in Proclaimers, it's great to find a place where I'm comfortable with the people but being challenged by the content.

Beauty

"I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time... For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars... And yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that lined my street... Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper... And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird... And Janie... And Janie... And... Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday."

~ Lester Burnham, American Beauty, 1999

Prophets

Being at home with Mum is frustrating. She follows this 'prophet' who is beginning to have a very strong hold over her. He leads a group of her and her friends, acting as 'spiritual head' to the women, as they believe the correct way to get to God is for a woman to look to her man and the man to have Jesus as his head. They believe strange things, like reincarnation (Mum is convinced that there are very few are new spirits - her spirit was previously a person in the crowd at Jesus' crucifiction, and at some point the widow of a fisherman). Sometimes I'm surprised they bother reading the Bible, although the latest news is that this guy is planning to do a translation of the Bible - apparantly the people who have done translations have done it all wrong because they don't have the 'special sight' that he has. This 'special sight' includes being able to see people's auras and energy. I've been that I give out very bad energy, often at times when I'm completely calm and passive and nice. (But of course, I don't realise what energy I really give out).

I've gone over and over all this in my head, and talked to Christians I respect about it, who have assured me that it's right to think Mum is wrong, but she still has the power to scare me. Yesterday she gave me a serious preachy talk about the perils of ignoring a prophet of God. She pointed me to Deuteronomy 18, so I read it later:

'The LORD said to me: "What they say is good. I will raise up for them a prophet like you from among their brothers; I will put my words in his mouth , and he will tell them everything I command him. If anyone does not listen to my word that the prophet speaks in my name, I myself will call him to account. But a prophet who presumes to speak in my name anything I have not commanded him to say, or a prophet who speaks in the name of other gods, must be put to death."'

Obviously I'm hoping this situation falls into the second category, but there are still times when I'm unsure, especially when I'm at a low with God and I'm wondering if life as a Christian would be more fruitful and blessed if I were to believe this guy and listen to everything he says. The horrible thing is that Mum is constantly going on about loving me properly, at meal times she always thanks God for sending her this prophet and asks for help to love me properly. We don't have a good relationship, we're perfectly civil but I wouldn't say I love her, which worries me because she follows her prophet and she tries to love me (to the point of smothering me with affection, which is difficult to cope with when she's not shown much love in the past few years), yet I'm trying to follow God and I can't even bring myself to smile at her sometimes. I don't know if that speaks of her rightness or my inadequacy as a Christian. Definately the latter... possibly the former as well, I really don't know.

Prayer appreciated!