A Prayer for 2004

Father, God...

What more can I do than give Your name thanks and praise for all the works of Your hands?

I alow my mind to wonder to this last year, and think to all the things You've shown me; everything through which You've bought me; the hours You've spent by my side, showing me more and more of Your awesome holiness; fulfilling Your will in my life; and blessing my every step.

Thank You, Lord for the spirit of Christmas. Thank You for the opportunities for families to meet again and for the joy bought to child upon child on Christmas morning. Thank You for those who had to work on Christmas day. Help me not to forget them, that my joy might not be selfish. But above all, I ask that Your name might be sought and worshipped as it should... Lord, it is so easy to say all the joy - even that of those who proclaim not to believe - is thanks to that day in the stable two thousend years ago. It is another for me to show the world that: so I rely soley on Your name. Put the words in my mouth I shoud speak and let my actions be witness for Your holy name.

Thank You for every single miracle You've worked this year. Thank You that You have not hidden Your face to Your bride or been angry with Your children. I praise You that You're so amazing - there are more miracles You work in a single day I could ever hope to understand in a lifetime.

Thank You for love.... the love between a parent & child; the love between brothers; the enigmatical love between lovers and most importantly: the You and I have for each other.

I ask that You don't think upon the sins I have done this year. You took the price of them on the cross, and for that I think You as wholly as I can. You are trully an awesome God...... so.....

Lord, bless us: every one.

love benvolio, x

Accents

I'm going home to Norwich on Saturday, and looking forward to it which is an unusual but nice feeling. The journey will be a chance to get my teeth into another book, six hours of guilt free procrastination with scenery of the coast wizzing by. I love train journies sometimes.

On Sunday I'll be churching in Norwich and catching up with all those lovely people who never talked to me as much before I went away. I need to do brithday shopping for Mum aswell... don't really like shopping on a Sunday but it'll have to be done before Monday. In the evening I'm going to Audacious... never been before but it'll be cool to meet some forumites :D

Before all the holiday things, however, I have an essay to do. This one's on Columba and the Christianising of Scotland. I got my Exodus one handed in 6 workdays late (and that's all they count thankfully) but it's done. I now hate The Prince of Egypt with a passion though. Education always turns things into horrible mountains of work rather than being enjoyable. English lit used to annoy me in that way because it would wreck my love of a book. Some things are just better left not studied.

It's Zoe's 18th birthday today (housemate) so we've had hilarity and lots of Chinese takeaway and chocolate cake. Zoe and Ari went to see a uni drama production of My Fair Lady last week and have been quoting non-stop... the rain in Spain falls gently on the plane, but hurricanes don't happen in Hertfordshire, Hereford and somewhere else and all that. Zoe blamed me for making her develop a posh accent since she's been at uni, which is laughable because she sounds posher than me with her strange Scottish/English mix, and now I keep finding myself unintentionally inserting "well" into sentences (thas well good tha' is) in an attempt to be unposh, not that I was ever posh in the first place! Ari describes herself as our "token American" and often lapses into streams of "it's, like, sooo cool!" with lots of profanities which I shan't repeat as there's a link to my blog on NYFC. Accents are so much fun.

Only 3 days til home now

Escapism

Longing For Escape I

Oh, how wonderful it must be
To be the sea!
To be that free
To travel and see
Not like me
Who cannot flee.
Oh, how wonderful it must be
To be the ocean!
If only there were a potion
Or maybe a lotion
To further my notion
And make me into an ocean!
Oh, how wonderful it must be
To be a bay!
To just stay
Or drift away
From terrible frays
All your days.
Oh, how wonderful it must be
To be a stream!
To always gleam
Never to scream
In my dreams
I'd like to be a stream!

from: http://www.tinymuse.org/~nightowl/Poetry/longing.html

This can't be healthy.

Over the sea...

The sea is such a magical place. I could stare at it forever and never get bored. It's different every day, the colours of the water and the sky change but are beautiful every time. Today the sea was grey-blue and it misty, so with the low craggy cliffs and the old stone pier, it looked like something out of a Celtic fairy tale. I expected a little boat to sail out of the mist any second, carrying Bonnie Prince Charlie. Except I'm in St Andrews, not Skye. Dammit.

Grrr

You are a Guilty Procrastinator! This is probably the least constructive form of procrastination. Oh, you procrastinate alright. Trouble is, you don't get any joy out of it. You may leave everything until the last minute, but deep down, meeting that deadline is important to you. Even though you really, really don't feel like doing the work required. Unlike other procrastinators, you are constantly, guiltily, aware of the work you should be doing, and this poisons your joy in the various things you come up with to avoid it. In fact, you have the ability to procrastinate by doing absolutely nothing except agonizing over the fact that you are
procrastinating. Do yourself a favor - learn to rejoice in your procrastination, or learn to
be organised - its not like you're having any fun as things stand...

What kind of Procrastinator are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
...as seen on Thorpey's blog.

Oh well *sigh*

It's getting desperate... I'm still working on one essay that is now 3 days late, and I haven't even started on the one due tomorrow :(

I'm not sure if this is just because I'm being unorganised and stressing myself out unnecessarily, but the novelty of university is starting to wear off. I'm beginning to get the same trapped feeling that I had during A Levels, wanting to do anything but sit through a lecture, forgetting to take noted because I'm dreaming about being in a better place... This has been fuelled by someone stupidly suggesting we go travelling next year (luvya anyway I suppose), which would be really cool and would be an escape, but it would mean dropping out of university for now. Having a degree in order to get a good job and settle down into mediocrity never appealed to me, but I'm not sure about putting uni on hold... I probably wouldn't return if I did, but should I throw away a place at "one of the country's most prestigious unis," as my dad constantly reminds me? I kind of had sense that this was where God wanted me to be, but I don't know if that was just wishful thinking because I was finally away from home and the monotony of work. Am I destined to become bored with everything I do within a year?

Far too many thoughts.

Low

Every so often I reach the bottom of myself and have to admit that life isn't all it seems to be. So often we all go around in our bubbles, and when something happens to break a bit of the bubble it challenges your perception of the world. Which is a good thing. I think.

The Butterfly Effect

Finally got a chance to watch my DVD of The Butterfly Effect with one of my housemates yesterday. It was so cool, I'd forgotten how good it was. I was slightly disappointed with the director's cut ending though, it was still sad but not as good as the cinema version I think. It was also pretty horrible... but I'm not going to spoil it for anyone! I was also disappointed that they didn't include the cinema ending in the deleted scenes... they had several similar endings, including a "happy sappy ending" (dontcha just love Americans? ;) but not my favourite ending!! Very much worth getting though, it's an excellent film.

I can't believe how great things are going with God at the moment. It's nice to be in a good patch, and hopefully it won't be just a patch. For the first time in months and months I'm looking orward to going to church on Sunday, which is great feeling. It's nice not to dread it anymore. I think I'll go to the charismatic in the morning and the baptist in the evening... as long as I can get this esay nearly finished before then. Will definately go to the charismatic in the morning though.

This essay is a comparrison between the film The Prince of Egypt and the book of Exodus, focusing on Chaptes 1-20. It may sound like fun but it's surprisingly difficult. Having been told all through English to avoid film/screen questions whatever the other option is, I don't feel very confident about writing this essay. But hey, I only need to get 5/20 for the module to get Permission to Proceed (how scary that sounds) so I'm sure it'll be okay.

Been feeling all Christmasy and it's only the 4th December *shock!* Joy to the World is such a great song *grin.* Baaah Scrooge to all you humbugs out there!

Wind beneath my wings

I'm obsessed with the song "Wind beneath my wings" (sung by Bette Midler) at the moment. Here's some words:

It must have been cold there in my shadow,
to never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.
You always walked a step behind.

So I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strain.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the Wind Beneath My Wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
but I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you.

It's from a film called Beaches which is about two best friends, one who's a famous singer and sings this song for her friend. It sounds plotless but it isn't, it's a gorgeous film that makes me cry every time I see it because it's so sad at the end. I annoy myself with my soppiness sometimes.