Sunday, July 31, 2005
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Perseverance
A couple of years ago I was totally convinced that I wasn't a Christian anymore because I hadn't persevered. I stumbled and lost the plot, and God was alien. In some ways I think I'm there again, in terms of apathy and failure.
I'm not sure my theology was quite right then, however, and I'm pretty sure God hasn't given up on me! But, 'It's impossible to be a static Christian, if you're not going forward you're going backwards' seems uncomfortably familiar. I had a list of ponderings to kick myself out of the rut the last time it got desperate...
* If I recommit my life to Jesus, I have to remember the holiness of God and the seriousness of my decision. To backslide again would be to say that God is worth nothing to me. My decision would be incredibly serious because I am giving my whole life over to Christ. To take it back would be sacrilege.
* God doesn't want me to waste my time on earth, and given just the slightest bit of encouragement from me, He's going to use me as a great ambassador for His kingdom.
* Every day is going to be a battle, but Jesus has already won the decisive battle, and I'm on his side so I can't lose. I need to remember to look to my King at all times.
* Pray at the beginning of each day - the Lord's prayer, or the prayer of Jabez, or even just 'help me to be a useful person for you today, Jesus.'
In my better moments, I realise what a fool I'm being and how much I'm wasting my life, wasting opportunities, living without God. Breaking God's heart, mine and letting other people down. Other times, like tonight, I'll happily subscribe but can't be bothered to live it because it means having a heart and feeling things. I want to pray this week that God will give me a heart to feel for His people, for lost people, 'a sense of violation at the failure of God's people to be the effective demonstration of Him.'
I'm not sure my theology was quite right then, however, and I'm pretty sure God hasn't given up on me! But, 'It's impossible to be a static Christian, if you're not going forward you're going backwards' seems uncomfortably familiar. I had a list of ponderings to kick myself out of the rut the last time it got desperate...
* If I recommit my life to Jesus, I have to remember the holiness of God and the seriousness of my decision. To backslide again would be to say that God is worth nothing to me. My decision would be incredibly serious because I am giving my whole life over to Christ. To take it back would be sacrilege.
* God doesn't want me to waste my time on earth, and given just the slightest bit of encouragement from me, He's going to use me as a great ambassador for His kingdom.
* Every day is going to be a battle, but Jesus has already won the decisive battle, and I'm on his side so I can't lose. I need to remember to look to my King at all times.
* Pray at the beginning of each day - the Lord's prayer, or the prayer of Jabez, or even just 'help me to be a useful person for you today, Jesus.'
In my better moments, I realise what a fool I'm being and how much I'm wasting my life, wasting opportunities, living without God. Breaking God's heart, mine and letting other people down. Other times, like tonight, I'll happily subscribe but can't be bothered to live it because it means having a heart and feeling things. I want to pray this week that God will give me a heart to feel for His people, for lost people, 'a sense of violation at the failure of God's people to be the effective demonstration of Him.'
Friday, July 29, 2005
Community
My profound thought of the week has been that being a Christian is a community thing. It's impossible and totally crazy to even think that it can be done alone. As I was reminded this week, even God communes within himself (the Trinity). I often find that thoughts aren't new to me. This one was first introduced to me through a book I read in 2003, but it takes a while for my little brain to process things...
"I am very proud to own and share the good and the bad, the sense and the silliness in you, Leonard, my dear brother. I want you to know that your fights and victories are my fights and victories. Your failures are my failures. I hope that you can share the good and the bad in me as well - much more bad than you think, I'm afraid. But I do believe in God, this week anyway, so, I tell you what, since we are brothers, and parts of the same body, I'll hold your unbelief and you can hold my faith." He smiled. "That'll confuse God so much that he'll put up with both of us. I think that's the kind of confusion he likes. Jesus so wanted us to love each other. Tell me, Leonard, do you believe in the hands that are touching yours at the moment?"
"Yes," said Leonard, "they're real people."
"That's right, and these real people are part of Jesus, so when you hold their hands you are actually holding hands with God. Whatever one of us lacks, all of us lack. Whatever one of us owns, all of us share."
~ from The Sacred Diary of Adrian Plass, Christian Speaker aged 43 and 3/4
"I am very proud to own and share the good and the bad, the sense and the silliness in you, Leonard, my dear brother. I want you to know that your fights and victories are my fights and victories. Your failures are my failures. I hope that you can share the good and the bad in me as well - much more bad than you think, I'm afraid. But I do believe in God, this week anyway, so, I tell you what, since we are brothers, and parts of the same body, I'll hold your unbelief and you can hold my faith." He smiled. "That'll confuse God so much that he'll put up with both of us. I think that's the kind of confusion he likes. Jesus so wanted us to love each other. Tell me, Leonard, do you believe in the hands that are touching yours at the moment?"
"Yes," said Leonard, "they're real people."
"That's right, and these real people are part of Jesus, so when you hold their hands you are actually holding hands with God. Whatever one of us lacks, all of us lack. Whatever one of us owns, all of us share."
~ from The Sacred Diary of Adrian Plass, Christian Speaker aged 43 and 3/4
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Shoooooes
These are my pink shoes, they are rather pretty, and surprisingly comfy too.
Today I did no work, but had an exciting trip to Surrey Street to have my photo taken for my ID badge. It bleeps and lets me through the doors of all NU buildings in Norwich (mwhahahaaaa!)
Nothing else to say at the moment, but there's a cracker of a blog bubbling away on simmer.
Monday, July 25, 2005
Back to blogging
Life seems so busy, I want a whole day to chill and be me and just potter around. I miss having time to listen to Radio 4, I miss reading, I miss remembering to be a Christian, I miss having a tidy bedroom. I like being busy though, because it means not being alone much. I don't like being alone at the moment.
Went to some of evensong after work with Ben today but unfortunately I just wanted to giggle and play outside. The music is very beautiful (most of it anyway). There was a little variation at the end this time when everyone went forward for communion. Communion in Anglican churches scares me. I feel like I'm playing hide and seek with God, the kind of hide and seek where the hidee changes their hiding place while the seeker is still looking, which isn't fair. I'm so lost with church and have no idea what my next move should be. I'd much rather make a study of it than participate. I've gone yet another half week forgetting that God exists, forgetting that prayer exists, let alone it being something I should do.
I like the idea of being a happy moral secularist, not because it ignores God but because it seems easy, and I want the easy way. I want to argue that when life is sometimes so challenging God should be the easy nice hiding place. (Haha Bush still can't say nuclear - 'nucaler'!) What's the motivation for making life even harder by including God in every equation? Don't worry, I'm not giving up and don't need any lectures, really!
Carl once posted a picture of his messy bedroom. Mine is so, so messy that I'd be embarrassed to take a picture of it, let alone publish it! Eeek the thought of getting up super early tomorrow to tidy just flitted through my head, I need to get a life!
Today at work I did about 5 hours worth of work in less than that time, so started reading one of those mini Penguin anniversary books, a few chapters from 'The View From Mount Improbable' by Richard Dawkins. I didn't understand it. 'Birds Without Wings', however, is being good and there are many more beautiful pages to go. It's about a small Muslim and Christian community, it's really interesting how the two religions mix and live alongside each other. But war is to be declared so I guess it will all shatter. There was a quote from a Londoner about the bombings on the NU intranet news site the other day (yeah I spent a lot of time on there today as well) - 'This is forever. There will be no solutions. The only solution is a country with no religion.' I wish the world wasn't so messed up, and I hate the fact that I contribute towards the messed upness of the world.
Sometimes I wonder what we are without friends. What makes us us, apart from how we relate to others? Are we human if we don't love? I didn't mean my blog to be this depressing today, honest.
Went to some of evensong after work with Ben today but unfortunately I just wanted to giggle and play outside. The music is very beautiful (most of it anyway). There was a little variation at the end this time when everyone went forward for communion. Communion in Anglican churches scares me. I feel like I'm playing hide and seek with God, the kind of hide and seek where the hidee changes their hiding place while the seeker is still looking, which isn't fair. I'm so lost with church and have no idea what my next move should be. I'd much rather make a study of it than participate. I've gone yet another half week forgetting that God exists, forgetting that prayer exists, let alone it being something I should do.
I like the idea of being a happy moral secularist, not because it ignores God but because it seems easy, and I want the easy way. I want to argue that when life is sometimes so challenging God should be the easy nice hiding place. (Haha Bush still can't say nuclear - 'nucaler'!) What's the motivation for making life even harder by including God in every equation? Don't worry, I'm not giving up and don't need any lectures, really!
Carl once posted a picture of his messy bedroom. Mine is so, so messy that I'd be embarrassed to take a picture of it, let alone publish it! Eeek the thought of getting up super early tomorrow to tidy just flitted through my head, I need to get a life!
Today at work I did about 5 hours worth of work in less than that time, so started reading one of those mini Penguin anniversary books, a few chapters from 'The View From Mount Improbable' by Richard Dawkins. I didn't understand it. 'Birds Without Wings', however, is being good and there are many more beautiful pages to go. It's about a small Muslim and Christian community, it's really interesting how the two religions mix and live alongside each other. But war is to be declared so I guess it will all shatter. There was a quote from a Londoner about the bombings on the NU intranet news site the other day (yeah I spent a lot of time on there today as well) - 'This is forever. There will be no solutions. The only solution is a country with no religion.' I wish the world wasn't so messed up, and I hate the fact that I contribute towards the messed upness of the world.
Sometimes I wonder what we are without friends. What makes us us, apart from how we relate to others? Are we human if we don't love? I didn't mean my blog to be this depressing today, honest.
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Day trip
Trip to London today. I like trains, there's something comforting about being on a train.London was pretty quiet for a Saturday, which I guess isn't surprising after the second attacks last Thursday.
Finished Harry Potter 6 last night. I have to say I was a bit disappointed, I couldn't get into it at all and didn't get excited til Chapter 24. Had a horribly busy week though, I should have waitied til I could concentrate on it properly instead of reading a bit at a time. Looking forward to number 7 now, it should be very interesting. Started 'Birds Without Wings' by Louis de Bernier today, I think it's going to be good.
There was something interesting I had to blog on, but I've forgotten so it'll have to wait. Oh yeah, for all you dress freaks, it's still pink and will post pictures later!
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