Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Surrendering

I'm reading The Surrendered Wife at the moment and finding it interesting. A lot of the reviews I've read recommend it to marriages in trouble - don't be put off! There's nothing wrong with Ben and I but I'm still finding it useful!




The book's basic premise is that if a wife becomes less bossy, nagging or controlling towards her husband she will become more like a wife and less like his mother, therefore making him more inclined to cherish her, protect her and look after her. It also talks about how to stop doing everything and getting stressed by that, and relinquishing responsibility back to the man.

A number of topics are covered - from general things like making use of or creating a circle of girl friends for support and accepting compliments graciously, to specifics like giving up control of finances to your husband.

Some of the book makes me feel a little selfish and uncomfortable - there are a couple of chapters on taking care of yourself first and spending your energy surplus on yourself. I'm sure these bits have benefits, however, and I can imagine that once a balance is restored in a relationship there may be extra time to spend on recharging.

The most revolutionary idea to me at the moment is letting go and stopping nagging - the book advises that if your husband does something wrong that doesn't threaten anyone's safety, let it go. As the book says, it's really not a disaster if the kids' pyjamas are put on back to front! I'm a bit of an all or nothing kind of person when it comes to things like housework and it irritates me if a job isn't done perfectly, so this is a big challenge.

One of the first chapters advises your plan to surrender to be kept a secret from your husband. I don't know about other couples, but I can't seem to hold anything back from Ben and don't think I want to. I'd rather any adventure of mine be shared with him especially one that involves him so much, then he can nudge me when I go terribly wrong!

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