Week 26ish

I made a few new year resolutions back in January and as it's half way through the year I've been thinking about how I'm doing and what's still left to do. They were...

* Read the Bible and pray alone more often
* Continue going through our Marriage Course Book with Ben and have regular us time
* Lose weight
* Finish my proofreading course before September
* Pray with Ben regularly
* Join a group/activity
* Read some quality books

The one I ticked this week was to finish my proofreading course! My diploma is hopefully in the post now. I'm really pleased to have finished it with 2 months to spare! The next step will be thinking about what to do with - I could in theory build up a freelance business but I think I need some experience first. I'd love to build up a client base in the next few years and be able to work from home by the time we have children.

Praying and having 'us' time with Ben is half getting there. We're getting into the habit of having a 'date night' about once a month where we'll make an effort to go out for dinner or do something fun together - last month Ben found out about salsa at the Forum and surprised me! This week we went to Pizza Express and had a nice leisurely dinner and talk. I hope this is something we keep up throughout our married life. Praying is up and down as we're still trying to build up a habit and find a time of day that works for us. We've finished the Marriage Book by Nicky and Sila Lee - I would recommend it for any couple getting married, it covers most topics and was great as a discussion tool.

Reading the Bible and praying alone more often is not happening in the way I'm used to. I think my faith is taking a different journey now and I'm glad about that in a way. My silent faith post pretty much sums that up for now.

Losing weight and joining a group or activity have gone hand in hand so far. I've nearly lost 2 stone and would like to lose one more. Weight Watchers has been a huge soure of motivation and there are some really amazing people there who constantly inspire me. I have so much more energy and confidence now.

Reading good books... I seem to rarely find the time! I'm arguing for getting rid of the television license again when ours expires this summer, so please throw any recommendations my way!

Talking of surrendering...

By strange coincidence there is a programme on Five tonight at 9pm about surrendering wives. I get the impression from the advert that it maybe focuses on the wrong way to go about it, but it might be interesting viewing anyway. I've been at home for a four day weekend so have caught snippets of chat and breakfast shows and it seems to be a hot topic at the moment - it's surprising how many wives phone in to say how much happier they are after learning to surrender, and also how scornful others are when they can't understand how it could possibly work.

Surrendering

I'm reading The Surrendered Wife at the moment and finding it interesting. A lot of the reviews I've read recommend it to marriages in trouble - don't be put off! There's nothing wrong with Ben and I but I'm still finding it useful!




The book's basic premise is that if a wife becomes less bossy, nagging or controlling towards her husband she will become more like a wife and less like his mother, therefore making him more inclined to cherish her, protect her and look after her. It also talks about how to stop doing everything and getting stressed by that, and relinquishing responsibility back to the man.

A number of topics are covered - from general things like making use of or creating a circle of girl friends for support and accepting compliments graciously, to specifics like giving up control of finances to your husband.

Some of the book makes me feel a little selfish and uncomfortable - there are a couple of chapters on taking care of yourself first and spending your energy surplus on yourself. I'm sure these bits have benefits, however, and I can imagine that once a balance is restored in a relationship there may be extra time to spend on recharging.

The most revolutionary idea to me at the moment is letting go and stopping nagging - the book advises that if your husband does something wrong that doesn't threaten anyone's safety, let it go. As the book says, it's really not a disaster if the kids' pyjamas are put on back to front! I'm a bit of an all or nothing kind of person when it comes to things like housework and it irritates me if a job isn't done perfectly, so this is a big challenge.

One of the first chapters advises your plan to surrender to be kept a secret from your husband. I don't know about other couples, but I can't seem to hold anything back from Ben and don't think I want to. I'd rather any adventure of mine be shared with him especially one that involves him so much, then he can nudge me when I go terribly wrong!

Wedding update

We have another meeting with our vicar booked in a couple of weeks to talk about the ceremony arrangements - finally the meat of the planning! I'm looking forward to deciding the vows, songs and readings we use as this is going to be the really important and meaningful part of the day. I think we'll be going very traditional - good old fashioned hymns and most probably the traditional vows including to obey.

As for the rest of the planning, we've designed the invitations and have started making them. There's a tiara in the post (yay!) and I'm going to bed worrying about my dress order. Ben's going suit hire hunting soon. And there's the whole guest list headache - I am NOT looking forward to the seating planning! It would be so much easier to elope...

Sharing faith

As we make an effort to spend time discussing our marriage book, another thing Ben and I have been thinking about is how we can share our spirituality with each other. At the moment we're trying to pray together every so often which is nice, but I don't think we do it often enough to build up any kind of intimacy between us. If we leave it too long I begin to get a complex about praying aloud and it makes it such a huge chore rather than being anything meaningful that brings us together.

A question mainly for couples, but anyone can comment - how do you share your faith with each other? Is it something important in a relationship and what works for you?

Wedding update

Our plans are finally starting to take shape for the big day. We've also booked our honeymoon, a lot closer to home than originally planned but hopefully a tenth of the stress of travelling. A few days in the middle of the countryside with absolutely nothing to do will be just what we need.

The invitations have been designed and are in the middle of production - at the dining room table!

A jazz band has been sourced, the flower arrangements made (does anyone know where I can get about 150 roses from for a reasonable price?) And another poem discovered - I'm looking forward to finalising ceremony details.


HAD I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

WB Yeats

I stumbled across the last two lines in a book I'm reading and thought how beautifully it captures the vulnerability of loving someone.