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I’ve been reading through Mark recently. In an effort to make my quiet times more regular and not so much of a chore (I don’t believe spending time reading God’s word should ever become a chore) I’ve been using The Message paraphrase. It may not be fully accurate but it does capture the energy of the original text, which makes it an exciting experience and puts a different perspective on passages that have become familiar before being understood. Yesterday this passage struck me:
Calling the crowd to join his disciples, [Jesus] said, “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat; I am. Don’t run from suffering, embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to saving yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? What could you ever trade your soul for?
(Mark 8:34-37, TM)
In Jesus’ time, with him physically standing there, saying “follow me” might not be so puzzling, but it seems a somewhat strange concept to me at times. It means being in constant contact with Jesus, communicating with him (both speaking and listening) and doing what he says. Sometimes the apparant legalism or religiousness of doing a regular quiet time gets me, but the goodness of having constant contact with Jesus outstrips that and I wonder why I don't spend every waking minute with him.
I’m very sorry about the lack of blogging recently, and the poor quality. Often I feel like I’m too pre-occupied with trying to get to grips with life to have any deep or inspiring thoughts about it!
Spring, however, started today (honestly, it did, it was warm and sunny for quite a while this morning!) and, after a productive few days I’m ready to blog again. It feels more like three months, no three weeks, since I was at uni in St Andrews. Apart from the beach and my housemates, I really don’t miss it. I passed my exams though (miracle of my year!) so I have 60 credits to show for it. I’m currently job hunting which is a degrading experience, simply because of the way Job Centre staff treat people. They’re very nice but a little patronising. It is a motivation to find a job quickly though.
One of the things that annoyed me about the issue of university was the assumption that, because I was capable of A Levels, I should go. Having attended for a term, I’m convinced I was right, I shouldn’t have let myself be swept along by others’ advice. (By “others” I mean teachers, career advisors etc). There are so many factors in people’s lives that there cannot be one set formula for life. Even the several paths that are available are not diverse enough. My plans, now that I’ve had time to think properly about it, are to work for the next academic year and go to university after that. I’m thinking about studying English at the moment, a subject I did consider briefly before, but dismissed too quickly! I’m certain I won’t be going back to St Andrews. Much as I love the town and Scotland, it’s just not where I want to be at this point in my life.
Leaving university has made me realise that there must be a compromise between giving in to society’s demands with no question and deliberately not doing anything society expects purely to be different and free. In practical terms, I’ve realised the need for and value of a degree, but I stand firm in my decision to leave and won’t be going back until I’m ready.
The worst news of the last three weeks was breaking up with Ben. A week on, I can see that it was the right thing to happen. I did cry and take refuge in Bridget Jones though…
“It’s no good. When someone leaves you, apart from missing them, apart from the fact that the whole little world you’ve created together collapses, and that everything you see or do reminds you of them, the worst is the thought that they tried you out and, in the end, the whole sum of parts which adds up to you get stamped REJECT by the one you love. How can you not be left with the personal confidence of a passed-over British Rail sandwich?” (‘Bridget Jones’ Diary’ by Helen Fielding)
Ben, the brilliant friend that he is, quoted a bit from ‘Much Ado About Nothing’ which has been helpful in alleviating the moping!
Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more;
Men were deceivers ever;
One foot in sea and one on shore,
To one thing constant never;
Then sigh not so,
But let them go,
And be you blithe and bonny;
Converting all your sounds of woe
Into Hey nonny, nonny.
Sigh no more ditties, sigh no mo
Of dumps so dull and heavy;
The frand of men was ever so,
Since summer first was leavy.
Then sigh not so,
But let him go,
And be you blithe and bonny,
Converting all your sounds of woe
Into, Hey nonny, nonny.
